Real Life: Live & Unscripted

Soul Food...My Walk with God

I recorded this video a few weeks ago (around mid-January) and I was really on the fence about uploading it but hopefully it will encourage someone :)

 

Soul Food...My Walk with God

My mom called me and told me to check her email and read the email that Tyler Perry sent out. These are NOT my words but boy oh boy am I glad she told me to read it. I wanted to share it with you all. Hopefully you can pluck something out that you need and be encouraged.

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Hey guys,

I haven't written in a while so this is a little long, but it's so worth your time to read.

I was in Wyoming recently and I was taking in the beauty of the place. I mean, I love it. As I was looking up at the mountains I saw an eagle flying above me. I had to stop and take in its majestic beauty. I had never seen a real life eagle.  All I had heard about an eagle was in church when the pastor said that the eagle pushes its young out of the nest to teach it to fly. It really did move me watching this bird that had no doubt been pushed out of the nest and had learned to do what I was watching it do. 

I got back to the cabin that evening and I started doing some research on eagles. I was so excited to read the story of how it learned to fly. Well, to my surprise, eagles pushing their young out of the nest is a myth. I was shocked. I know that I heard a preacher say that in church… now I ain't gonna say that that pastor lied but I will say he didn’t do the research… LOL. So I did it on my own. I did find some interesting facts that got me thinking about life… mine and yours. It's funny how God can speak through everything. Here’s what I found.

Eagles build the biggest nest of all birds. It’s huge, comfortable and deep. One of the most interesting things that I found was the way that the eagle gets its young chicks to fly out of the nest.  For many weeks it brings food to the nest. The little eagles have no worries, they have all they need to survive. But when the adult eagle deems that it's time for the young eagles to fly, things get uncomfortable.

Now the young eagle doesn’t know that it's time to fly, but the wisdom and the bird’s eye view of the mother knows that it's time for the chicks to leave the nest. So you know what she does? She doesn’t bring food to the babies anymore, and this is what I found fascinating. Many times she will fly around the nest with the food in her beak so that the young eagles will be tempted or so hungry that they are forced to fly out of the nest and take it out of her beak. Stay with me I’m going somewhere here.

As I thought about this, I thought about my life and how many times I was in a very comfortable space. I had all I needed. There was no need for me to go any further because I was comortable. I wanted to stay there forever. You have to be careful when you get comfortable and stay too long. It’s easy to stop dreaming when your belly is full. You won’t feel the need to fly at all. 

The truth is, as long as I was there in that really comfortable space, I wasn’t fulfilling my own destiny or my purpose. I wasn’t flying, I was content. Remember this, your greatest prayers are not usually answered in comfort. Think about it. I can really get deep into this with stories from my past but you’re probably tired of reading already… LOL… so I'll try and wrap it up.

It took an uncomfortable situation or being hungry to make me get out and fly. Many times in life things are going well, but then everything that was so great changes and we wonder why. We wonder what happened. We are caught off guard. I am of the opinion that in those times God, who knows when it’s time for us to leave the nest, is allowing it to become uncomfortable so that we can move on to our next mission in life. Our next hope, our next dream, our next level.

After not realizing this for many years and resisting changes and going through hell, I’m glad to say that I have become so sensitive to when it's time to move that I will move without having to have the turmoil.  I’m telling you I was so stubborn that the house had to burn down for me to move. Now I know better. I’m aware of when it starts to happen, like things happen that don’t make any sense. People you have been friends with or in business with or otherwise for years just seem to go crazy and you don’t know why. What I’ve learned in those moments is that it is a time to fly. Business changes, jobs go away, friends break your heart, marriages end, relationships end, and most times all these things are signs that it’s time to take flight to your next level.

Nobody likes change, I get it, but don’t be angry or bitter when things change. Don’t be mad with people, especially when you know you did right by them and you did all you could do for the friendship or relationship.  I’m sorry to tell you this my friend, but this moment was not about them it was all about you. I’m telling you if God has allowed you to become so uncomfortable in your situation, whatever it is, then its time for you to move! Don’t be afraid, just fly!

Last thing and then I’m done ;-). there is one part of the eagle story that I haven’t told you yet, and this is my favorite part.  If those baby eagles get out of the nest and they are trying to fly and it’s not going well, then that same mother bird that provided for them while they were in the nest, that same eagle will fly under the baby eagle to keep it from falling, to keep it on course, and give it a sense of security. God’s got you, don’t be afraid! He won't let you fall!

Now here's the question: what situation in your life has become so uncomfortable that you feel like you're being starved for what you need? Maybe its God’s way of telling you it’s time to fly! It's time to fly for your own dreams and your own hopes and goals. Fly for true love and real hope. This is your moment to fly, in 2014. Make this the year that you leave the nest without fear.

Talk to me, I’m listening,

Soul Food...My Walk with God

I sit here this morning with tears in my eyes. Just thinking about how good and faithful God is.

What I realized about my trials this past week, especially after talking to Ladylee (let me tell you just like I told her...EVERYTIME I talk to her I'm blessed. EVERYTIME. She has helped me so much spiritually it's crazy. God placed her in my life and me in hers and of this I am CERTAIN. She is nothing but a blessing) is that every trial is an opportunity to GROW. We just have to realize it.

Back around October/November (def before the holidays) I was having some issues. BIG issues lol.

The biggest thing I was dealing with and didn't realize it until God had to MAKE me sit down and realize it was idolatry.

I love dictionary.com definition : .

excessive or blind adoration, reverence, devotion, etc.

 

What does the Bible say about idolatry? 

 

Exodus Chapter 20

¹ And God spake all these words, saying,

² I [am] the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

³ Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Deuteronomy 27:15 - Cursed [be] the man that maketh [any] graven or molten image, an abomination unto the LORD, the work of the hands of the craftsman, and putteth [it] in [a] secret [place]. And all the people shall answer and say, Amen.

I could go on and on and on but you get the point.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I believe EVERY word in the Bible. Not just those feel good scriptures. I believe the ones that step on my toes.

God is a jealous God, put someone before Him? Man, He ain't happy.

He got my attention. Big time.

What I had to realize about god's, it can be SO MANY THINGS OR PEOPLE.

ANYTHING that you give ALL your attention to when you should be giving that attention/time to God. That's how "I" define it.

If you give ALL your time and attention to tv, your spouse, work, clothes, shoes, money...that COULD be your god.

Y'all know I love shoes, clothes, phones, gadgets, etc but you can take all that away and I'm good. Those things I've NEVER put before God.

What I had in God's place was NOT good. ANYTHING in His place isn't good but this? Yeah.Nerp.

He literally had to show me that HE was in charge.

Sometimes we go through things because WE don't have God in the correct place. Please know when I say WE I mean "I". I was going through this same trial over, and over AND OVER again because I didn't have God in the right place. I THOUGHT I did, but I was oh so wrong, not to mention this was a weak area for me.

It didn't occur to me that I was trusting in other things/people and NOT Him until around mid-december. It was then that I decided that I would trust in HIM totally and even when my trials came up and I would cry, I STILL trusted Him.

He has proven himself to me.

I'm writing this entry more for myself. I want to be able to look back at this entry and remember that I am going to trust God no matter what. I want to always keep HIM in His place and not put anything where He should be.

If I've encouraged you in anyway, that is icing on the cake :)

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD and Trusting Him every step of the way.

Adrienne's Little World...Video Edition Trusting God

I need to file these under Soul Food, My Walk with God because that's exactly what this is. I kinda like doing these. Let's see how long I can keep it up lol.

 

 

Please excuse the muffle sound in the beginning. I think my hand was over the microphone. Oops.

 

Adrienne's Little World...Video Edition My word for 2014

Excuse my rambling lol

Here is a link to the blog I was talking about ...

http://differentkindsofhappy.squarespace.com/different-kinds-of-happy/2013/12/30/fulfill#commenting

No one can stop my blessings. Blog post from Major Must Haves

I literally could have written this myself. I'm going to dissect her entry over here. I wish she had her comments on because I probably would have left all of this over there lol.

You can click to read her entry here:

No one can stop my blessings.

All of her words are in red. Mine are in black. I have her permission to post this on my blog.

It's sad but I've just come to the realization that just because you're kind, doesn't mean that you're a good person. You see when I see a person doing nice things I use to automatically place them in a cool person box, but that shouldn't have been the case. You have to examine a persons character. Is this person being nice to you because there's a motive behind it? Do they know you're giving and kind, so they are being (fake) kind to get what they can get from you? <---I can't tell you how many times I've been through this. Just this past January I had to cut off someone that has been in my life for over 12 years. It was a hard, hard thing to do but I was tired of being used. I'm a giver. Its just who I am. Anyone that knows me will tell you that I give. I give my time, I give my talent. I give. I enjoy it, until I feel like I"m being used. 

What these people don't know is when a person is doing something for you from their heart, and you are being the user, you may feel like they are a sucker, but God is like more blessing to my faithful giver. The more I read my bible the more I see the phrase about casting your pearls upon swine. It's really funny to me because when your a user you are constantly moving backwards that's why they NEVER get ahead.<---I started to see this in the lives of those who were using me. I NEVER wish anything bad on anyone, but I started to see some really not so good stuff. I had to put my feelings aside and pray. 

Be kind with no intentions of getting anything back. Do it because you love to give a helping hand. Do it because you'd want someone to do the same for your mom, dad or anyone you love if they were in need and you weren't there to help. They could have a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. Wouldn't it be nice if someone just stopped to help them change it. Do it because God would do it. I'm a witness, don't worry if you'll get something back. Plus most times the person you helped isn't where your blessing comes from. Furthermore, YOU will  have peace in your heart that you're truly a genuine giver with no expectations!<---I've learned how to continue to give, without being used and suprisingly enough I give even more now. It seems like I've had to let go of some "personal" relationships and put my feelings aside and just do it from my heart. I think before I was doing it for the person and expecting them to give to me in the same way. Now I'm not saying be a dummy and I'm not saying "I" was being a dummy but I've had to learn some hard hard lessons when it comes to friendships/giving. 

This was a great post from Major Must Haves. Thank you for allowing me to share on my site :)

 

These are my reflections...

I haven't listened to Usher in I don't know how long, shoot...I don't even listen to R&B so I have NO idea why "Confessions" is stuck in my head lol.

During our superlong delay at the airport last Friday I seem to have found some quiet/down time and I started all this reflecting. I think it started before then but my busy days kinda drowned it out, not to mention I also seem to start reflecting this time of year.  I talk to Old Girl Lady Lee a whole lot about everything (I'm sure she thinks I'm nuts lol) and she said something that really made me pause.

It made me think about school. When you have an assignment in your English class, you finish that assignment but you are STILL in English class. That class isn't over, just the assignment.

I had to REALLY, REALLY look inside and consider what she was saying. Once I "got it" I was good.

Before I got it, I was a MESS lol.

I had a series of events to just kinda happen one behind each other and I kept thinking it was ME. Once I got to the root of it all what I discovered was it wasn't me. The assignment was just over.

I'm starting a new Bible study (because truthfully my Bible studies got pushed wayyyyyyyyyyyy to the back because I wasn't focused, but more on that later) and I'm super excited about it because honestly anything God related was put on the backburner (more on that later) but I had a moment when I realized why certain things were happening. Once God got back in His place everything soothed out.

Ok, that's it for now :)

Toodles

 

Soul Food...My Walk with God.

                        (I normally link all sources for pictures but this one took me to a site I would RATHER not link.)

God has truly blessed me to have a lot of gifts and talents. It wasn't until very, very recently that I realized that what I have are truly gifts.

Over the past two years I've truly lived Proverbs 18:16:

¹⁶ A man's gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men.

I can't BEGIN to tell you the doors that God has opened for me.

Most of you who have been reading for any length of time know that I have ALWAYS loved photography. It was truly my first love and led me to do other crafty things.

I STILL love photography. I may not talk about it on here very much but I absolutely love it. I still shoot, and I shoot a LOT lol.

Some of you may or may not know that I'm the photographer for my church. LOVE IT. It's so much fun, I have a great time and I've caught ahold of the vision that my Bishop has for our church.

Long after he is gone, I plan on continuing to do the work he wants done. He made it plain and I caught on. QUICK.

Maybe three years ago I had an old friend credit me for his success and his love for photography. He said he used to watch me all the time then got up the nerve to ask me about cameras and such. I taught him everything that I knew. Little did "I" know there was a seed planted that would later bloom.

He told me that it was because of my love and the fact that I would take time to teach him what I knew and answer any questions he had that he was successful today. He has a couple studios and does a LOT of work. He has a thriving business.

I was JEALOUS when He told me that. I'm sitting here like mannnnnnnnnnnnn, why am "I" not that successful with my photography. I mean I do a lot of photo shoots but nothing on the level of what HE was doing. I kept talking to myself. Trying to figure out WHY was it HIM and NOT ME, when "I" taught him everything he knows lol. Yep I was JEALOUS.

After I finished my conversation with myself, I realized what was going on. I went to talk to Tony about it and I came to the realization that hmmmm maybe that isn't what God had for me. Maybe it was my job to just plant the seed.

Once I prayed about it and came to the conclusion that I had done exactly what God wanted me to do I was SINCERELY proud of him. I was SINCERELY happy for him.

Once you realize you have a problem ADDRESS IT or it can QUICKLY get out of hand.

All of that to say I got the best email from a pastor of one of our sister churches.

I mean just made my day.

I do what I LOVE. I don't expect or look for thanks and accolades from people but when someone takes time out to tell you they appreciate what you do? It means a LOT.

It's a LOT of work being church photographer lol. I'm normally at every event (unless I'm out of town and even if I wasn't the photographer I'd be there anyway because I LOVE the WORD and I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE  LOVE LOVE LOVE my church lol) and working almost until the sermon is preached. Would not have it ANY other way.

I still have to edit pictures and video and then add them to you tube and facebook which takes up a lot of time, but I LOVE IT. It doesn't feel like a "job".

I feel like I'm rambling. Hang in there and don't get discouraged. Keep using your gifts and talents and your gifts WILL make room for you.

 I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

 

Soul Food...My Walk with God.

Image Source

I love to set the atmosphere in my home.

If you have ever been to my house, it's one of those homes you don't want to leave.

I always want everyone to be comfortable and truly feel at home.

We truly live in every room of our home.

The atmosphere in my home it peaceful. You can feel the love.

I have to remember that what I put out is what I get back.

I love to begin my days with prayer and meditation. I notice when I don't, my days aren't always the greatest and my family can have such an attitude lol.

I only listen to gospel music so most days it's always playing in the house, even if it's turned down low.

It sets the atmosphere in my home.

I've had times when I'm having a ROUGH day. I'll turn the tv off and go to my worship playlist.

Before the day is over I've sang and cried my way through my issues.

It's amazing to me how God will speak to me through a song. I'll put it on shuffle and it's like EVERY song that comes on is just for me.

There are times when I will just stop what I'm doing and just sing and pray. It helps me get through some rough times.

When I need to clean up or if I'm working I'll turn on my praise play list and just jam and have a good time. Before I know it, I'm finished doing what I was doing AND I'm in a great mood lol.

This is just one of the ways I praise and worship my God. Through music.

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food...My Walk with God.

                                                                    Image Source

I'm BACK. I talked briefly before about being off track. I mean I REALLY got off. My prayer time was off, my devotional time was off. I was just OFF.

I started reading this book by Joel Osteen and it literally changed my life.

Seems like I'm always having life changing moments but I'm thankful for that.

This book helped me to see where I was speaking not so good things over myself and my family without even really realizing it.

Sometimes I'll find myself going back to that old way of thinking. I'll even stop praying/journaling. Then it's like something hits me over the head and I realize I've slacked off.

I want to encourage ya'll to GET THIS BOOK. Speak these promises over your life. You will be SO glad you did!!

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food...My Walk with God.

Image Source

 I learned from my friend Oldgirlladylee it's great to read different versions of the bible. I love the site biblegateway.com They have every translation on earth lol. KJV is my favorite but when I read something I don't quite understand I always go to this site for clarity. Different translations will have me like whoaaaa lol

 

 

Genesis 12:2-3

KJV

² And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:

³ And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.

CEB (Common English Bible)

² I will make of you a great nation and will bless you. I will make your name respected, and you will be a blessing. ³ I will bless those who bless you,
    those who curse you I will curse;
        all the families of earth
            will be blessed because of you.

 

EXB (Expanded Bible)

² I will make you a great nation,
    and I will bless you.
I will make ·you famous [^Lyour name great],
    ·and [or so that] you will be a blessing to others.
³ I will bless those who bless you,
    and I will place a curse on those who ·harm [or curse] you.
And all the ·people [families; clans] on earth
    will be blessed through you [^Cthe promises of the Abrahamic covenant].”

GNT (Good News Translation)

² I will give you many descendants, and they will become a great nation. I will bless you and make your name famous, so that you will be a blessing.

³ I will bless those who bless you,
But I will curse those who curse you.
And through you I will bless all the nations.”^[a]

GW (God's Word Translation)

² I will make you a great nation,
I will bless you.
I will make your name great,
    and you will be a blessing.
³ I will bless those who bless you,
    and whoever curses you, I will curse.
        Through you every family on earth will be blessed.”

IT has been a WHILE since I've done this.

Somewhere along the way I got off track. Not really doing anything that I don't think God would approve of, but I got lazy. Slack.

I was talking to a friend this morning and I told her one of my prayers was for God to bless me so I can truly be a blessing.

I have some plans of things I would love to do for others but sometimes I can't because resources are limited. My heart is in the right place but my resources are limited.

I want God to change that.

It's not all about me and my family. Yes we are truly blessed but sometimes I want to do more for others.

It's an area I'm truly working in.

I always give of my time, but I'm about to start giving more.

I'm excited and I can not WAIT for God to open these doors!

Can you tell I'm excited!? I am EXCITED.

Watch for my testimony. Just watch. I'm about to sit back and watch God work!

If y'all have a minute listen to this song. It was written by a local musician. I LOVE THIS SONG. They got extra crunk!! YESSSSSSSSSSSS

God can do ANYTHING but fail!!! TRY HIM AND WATCH GOD WORK!!!

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food...My Walk with God.

Spiritually this has been a great year. I've learned so much about myself.

Especially when we hit our trials.

I remember a time when things would happen and I'd look for someone to call. Someone to talk my problems over with. Someone who would just listen.

This year? That didn't happen.
This year I learned that praying about a situation can do more good than talking to anyone EVER could.

This year I learned that I'm stronger in God that I realized I was.

This year I learned that I'm still weak in some areas.

This year when the heat REALLY got turned up and I didn't know what to do, before I even THOUGHT about doing ANYTHING I got on my knees and prayed. I mean called out to God like never before.

This year I learned what "peace that passeth all understanding" feels like.

This year I leaned what God means when He says He is always with us.

This year I learned that FAITH is important.

This year I learned that TRUSTING God no matter WHAT the cirumstances are is the best thing I can ever do.

This year I learned that you can go to church every time the doors open and STILL not be where you need to be in God.

This year I learned that if you don't do anything, nothing will happen.

This year I learned that sometimes when life happens and you do feel heavy, you dont' want to pray, you don't want to go to church, you dont' want to trust God, its ok and sometimes you have to literally praise your way out.

This year I learned that even though people "mean" well, you just can not share everything with everyone.

This year I learned that people can be so afraid of being hurt that they hurt you in the process not even realizing what they are doing or what they have done.

This year I learned that when I can't depend on ANYONE, I can surely depend on my God.

This year I learned that jealousy is REAL and it will cause people to do and say things that are really unlike them.

This year I learned that you can't always share what God has shared with you. Not everyone "WANTS" to see God working in your life.

This year I learned that Gods will- WILL be done in your life. NOTHING can stop it.

This year I've truly learned the power of prayer.

I had a huge milestone this year: I read the entire Bible. I've never EVER done that before in all my 35 years and I'm super proud of that. I didn't read for understanding, I just wanted to read through it. Now I'll take my time and truly study it out.

This has been a good year. Full of ups and downs. I've gone through things I never in a million years thought I would have to go through. I've had to cut off some people who I thought were "for" me. I learned the hard way they were just "users". I don't need those in my life.

I'm really looking forward to 2013. I know God has a great plan for me and my family. I know our trials were meant for our good and I can't wait to see how God is going to work them out.  I KNOW He knows what's best for us and I TRUST Him.

That is it and that is all!

Looking for greater things in 2013.

Happy New Year Guys!!!!

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

I went to a financial siminar tonight and these are some of the scriptures that were discussed. Sometimes, you just have to stand on what the Word says. Prayerfully this will bless and encourage someone.

The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it. Proverbs 10:22

I love this verse. Remember "rich" is NOT always money.

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 1:2

Take therefore no thought for tomorrow: for tomorrow shall take thought of the things for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:34

Barnes' Notes on the Bible

Take therefore no thought ... - That is, no anxiety. Commit your way to God. The evil, the trouble, the anxiety of each day as it comes, is sufficient without perplexing the mind with restless cares about another day. It is wholly uncertain whether you live to see another day. If you do, it will bring its own trouble, and it will also bring the proper supply of your needs. God will be the same Father then as today, and will make then, as he does now, proper provision for your wants.

The morrow shall take thought - The morrow will have anxieties and cares of its own, but it will also bring the proper provision for those cares. Though you will have needs, yet God will provide for them as they occur. Do not, therefore, increase the cares of today by borrowing trouble from the future. Do your duty faithfully now, and depend upon the mercy of God and his divine help for the troubles which are yet to come.

The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands. Psalm 138:8

Barnes' Notes on the Bible

The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me - He will complete what he has begun. He will not begin to interpose in my behalf, and then abandon me. He will not promise to save me, and then fail to fulfill his promise. He will not encourage me, and then cast me off. So of us. He will complete what he begins. He will not convert a soul, and then leave it to perish. "Grace will complete what grace begins." See the notes at Philippians 1:6.

Thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever - See the notes at Psalm 136:1.

Forsake not the works of thine own hands - What thou hast made; what thou hast begun to do. Do not leave me to perish. Prayer is one of the means - and an essential means - by which the saints are to be kept unto salvation. The doctrine of the "perseverance of the saints." is not inconsistent with prayer, but rather prompts to it; and he who professes to rely on that doctrine, and feels so safe that he does not need to pray, and does not pray, gives certain evidence that he has never been converted, and has no true religion.

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Ephesians 3:20

Barnes' Notes on the Bible

Now unto him - It is not uncommon for Paul to utter an ascription of praise in the midst of an argument; see Romans 9:5; Romans 11:36; Galatians 1:5. Here his mind is full of the subject; and in view of the fact that God communicates to his people such blessings - that they may become filled with all his fulness, he desires that praise should be given to him.

That is able to do - see the notes, Romans 16:25.

Exceeding abundantly - The compound word used here occurs only in this place, and in 1 Thessalonians 3:10; 1 Thessalonians 5:13. It means, to an extent which we cannot express.

Above all that we ask or think - More than all that we can desire in our prayers; more than all that we can conceive; see the notes on 1 Corinthians 2:9.

According to the power that worketh in us - The exertion of that same power can accomplish for us more than we can now conceive.

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God (LONG)

If you have a minute, listen to this song:

 

Man.

Let me tell y'all.

The past few months have been just WHEW.

I mean really.

There were days when I just didn't want to get out of the bed.

There were days when I literally would lay on my bedroom floor and just cry.

There were days when I just went through the routine. I was so disconnected.

I had to keep myself together in front of everyone. Be strong for everyone, so they would be encouraged when I was falling apart inside.

I had to focus on ONE thing I was thankful for and concentrate on it. Give God praise for that. IN SPITE OF what was currently going on.

I thought the worst of what was going on was over with a few weeks ago. I just KNEW things were going to get better. They were already not as good as I wanted them to be.

WRONG.

I ended up sending out a "tweet" for my peeps to whisper a prayer for me. I was in a BAD spot y'all. I had been fighting tears all day long. One friend said she tried to call me but I didn't have a good signal in the building I was in. We sent a couple text back and forth and I sat there still fighting tears. In public. NOT a good look.

I had another friend text and ask if I could talk. I ended up walking outsideso I could talk to her and before I could even get to my car good, I just lost it.

I hardly EVER cry in front of people (or on the phone) but I couldn't help it.

We talked for a while and she blessed me in ways I can't even say. The fact that we don't talk frequently (we email/txt/tweet everyday) but this phone call I knew was lined up by God. You can't tell me anything different.

When we got off the phone, I felt so much better. Just being able to talk freely and not be judged but be listened to was just the thing I needed.

God did some other things that shocked my socks off but that's for another day.

I thought this was the beginning of things getting better. It was but then...

I got hit HARD a few days ago. Knocked the wind out of me. Hurt me like nothing else. I can't even describe it.

It wasn't until I talked to Tony about it that I just broke down. I mean B R O K E down ugly cry.

I went through a whole huge range of emotions.

I didn't even know HOW to pray. I would try to form the words but they never came. I would just cry.

Once I picked myself up, I decided I was going to encourage myself in the Lord.

I was going to get in my Word.

I was going to fast & pray.

I was going to get OUT of the funk I was in.

It's been a few days and I'm doing so much better.

Talking to me everyday, I don't think you would even know that things were going on with me.

I DO have down days, but I try to always encourage someone else. To put a smile on someone else face.  To be a blessing to someone else. It seems to do me good.

There ARE times though when "I" need that as well. That's normal right?

I know that the storms that come to my life are only to make me stronger.

I can't tell you how much MY faith has grown.

I can't tell you how much MORE I trust God. I know  "He got me".

I want to encourage you...

No matter what you are going through, no matter what you are facing TRUST GOD.

It may not feel good, it may not look good, it may not even sound good but TRUST GOD.

A good friend of mine told me today, " don't let your circumstances out talk you". That was so profound and RIGHT on time.

Don't be moved by your circumstances or situations.

TRUST GOD. Get in your Bible and Encourage yourself!!

That's what I did, and I thank God that I was able to get up from where I was and encourage myself.

 

  I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

Hearing from God... It's not always a burning bush experience.

I remember talking to my good, good friend and I would tell her I just want to hear from God. I need Him to speak to me. She KEPT telling me to STOP looking for the burning bush.

O_O

You mean God's voice isn't going to be this big booming James Earl Jones Voice??? lol

When I go through different situations and I'm looking for God to answer me, I was looking for the big burning bush.

Uhh doesn't happen like that. Well not for me anyway.

I'm slowly learning how God speaks to ME. If I dream it? It's been happening. And kinda quick.

God is speaking to me through His word more and more. It's AMAZING to me. I can be seeking Him for something and the next thing I know, either someone will text me a scripture saying they were thinking of me and it's EXACTLY what I need or it will come across the pulpit. NEVER FAILS.

The more I'm in my Word, the easier it is for me to recognize when God is talking to me. When I DON'T spend enough time in the Word (like when I was strung out reading Hunger Games) it's harder to hear from God. Almost like my mind is fuzzy. If that makes ANY sense. That isn't to say that I can ONLY read the Word and read it ALL DAY LONG. Impossible, but I have to carve time out and be faithful.

So right now, I'm working on remaining faithful to studying & reading God's Word.

 I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

 

 

Sometime last year I was on twitter and this patricular day I wasn't "ON" but when I get on of course I can see anyone that has "@" me.

I logged in and saw this:

aunaptural: My FB timeline is full of religious nuts today. For those of you (@3kids1036 ) whose actions are a living testimony, I thank you.

I was like whoaaaaa.

But you know what it showed me?

1.) That my life is TRULY a living testimony.

2.) People are "watching" even when I'm not paying ANY attention.

3.) God has TRULY changed who I am as a person.

I've said it before and I will say it again, IMO being a Christian is a LIFESTYLE. It's NOT just something you call yourself if you attend church on Sunday. Again, That is JUST MY OPINION.

When I gave my life to God, I gave it ALL to Him and started living my life totally according to His Word.

This song pretty much sums it up for me:

yep, HE WANTS IT ALL.

So that's what I gave Him. ALL of me.

Little did "I" know that giving my all to God, would be a blessing to others. I had NO idea.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't concerend with everyone else. I was concerned with living right. Living according to His Word. That was IT.

This is no power of my own, it's ALL God doing a work in me. I made myself available to HIM and He does the work in me.

I am so thankful for that.

That's it. Just wanted to share that :)

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

I've had 3 people in my life that I was seriously holding on to. 

I seriously did NOT want to let go.

I wanted so much that two of them would see the change in me and want to do differently themselves.

Well what I'm learning is that God won't always use YOU to witness to someone else. I'm not talking about beating the Bible over their head, I'm talking about living your life before them.

One of the people, when ever we went out to dinner or when I was around them, I could NOT look them in the eyes,  (That's a post for another time) and there was a general "I don't like the way I feel around you" type deal.

Another one was cool, but they didn't think for themselves. They were easily led by other people and umm well that's just not good.

The last one, there was a huge, huge, huge, emotional attachment and it was one that I'm just not able to deal with anymore and I had to let them know.

I don't think I'm ever rude so when I let them know that I really need to cut all ties, there was such a release. I wish I could explain it. I cried because I care deeply for them but them being in my life wasn't a good thing.

I'm so glad I'm not a people pleaser anymore. I thank GOD for deliverance in that area. Had I still been in that place I'm sure I would STILL be holding on and not doing what's best for me and my relationship with God.

If I can't be a blessing to you and I don't have ANY peace when I'm dealing with you, it's time to move on. I don't want to block someone else blessings and I SURE don't want them to block mine.

I thank God for letting me know when it's time to move on.

I REALLY pay close attention to the people I allow in my life and in my space. Physical space or mental space. I'm VERY careful.

Be careful who you are holding on to. Some people REALLY do just come in your life for a season.

Ok, that's it lol

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God (VERY, VERY LONG POST)

The Beginning of my walk with God.

I said something on twitter the other day, I can't even remember what it was but it prompted one of my friends to ask me who witnessed to me. What did they say that made me want to "walk toward the light."

It was REALLY interesting how it happened. When I look back on it now, I realize God had it ALL in control.

We were previously "good christians" and then we walked away from the church AND our relationship with God. We were at this patricular church for ummm maybe 5 yrs or so.

I didn't realize until we joined this church that we had been out of the Will of God for SEVEN WHOLE YEARS. Seven is the number of completion. It was TIME for us to get back in God's will.

Ok, last May I met this lady who wanted me to bring my products to her birthday party. But instead of people celebrating HER birthday, she wanted to shower love on all of her friends who had stood by her during a super hard time in her life. I was like YES! I'd LOVE to! I'd never heard of anything like this before so I was down!

The party was in either July or August I can't remember. While I was there I met a LOT of women from the birthday girl's church. What amazed me more than anything was the love that you could feel. I don't ever think I've seen SO many women in the same room ALL love each other and show so much concern.

Instead of playing "games" they did this thing of what they shared what God has blessed them with on that week and one thing that they were thankful for.  Man, that was almost overwhelming. There was NOTHING selfish. They ALL thanked GOd for something that He had done for someone else. It was AMAZING.

I was pretty much speechless. All of the women were so nice and sincere. It just kinda oozed from them.

I left that birthday party wondering WHY were they like that. It was like no other birthday party I'd ever been to.

I continued to do business with the birthday lady and she witnessed to me the entire time. You ever had someone say something to you that NO ONE else knew about? Like one of those "grave secrets"? Yeah it was like that. I KNEW God was talking to me.

She kept inviting me to church and I never went.

Remember when Aj broke his arm? I was getting ready to go visit her church that night. Aj went outside and broke his arm. Couldn't go. I decided if he felt better the next day I was going to go.

We went and I was like WOW. I can't even explain that service.

I told Tony about it and he was kinda like whatever.

Found out another old friend of mine went there and we reconnected. She invited me also and like before I didn't go. She said, just come ONE Sunday morning, your life will never be the same.

Didn't really pay her any attention.

Later in the year we took the kids on a cruise and had a great time.

I don't know what happened between the time we got off that cruise ship and got home.

We stopped at the "adult beverage" store before in Atlanta, the HUGE one in the marketplace, and just STOCKED UP.

Took some on the ship with us and the rest we left in the car and brought home.

A couple days after we had been home, Tony said he was ready to go to church. He took ALL of our new "dranks" and poured them ALL down the sink. I was so mad lol. I was like just don't touch my Patrone. He poured it out anyway.

The next day we went to church. He said when he sat down, God let him know that is where we were supposed to be. I cried the entire service.

I wasn't ready.

I know it's a lifestyle. Living for God is MORE than just going to church on Sunday.

Just like schools, jobs, military...EVERYONE has rules that they have to follow. Same goes for God.

It is truly a lifestyle (IMO)

I wasn't ready.

I literally cried for days. Then I was like ok. I'm ready, let's do this.

He was going to do it with or without me.

In the beginning I did it more for Tony, but it didn't take long for ME to make MY mind up and decide this is what I want to do for me.

I stopped doing a LOT of things and I don't regret any of it, nor do I miss anything.

I figured if I wouldn't do ANYTHING I would feel uncomfy doing if God was sitting RIGHT next to me.

I still do that.

He's my "daddy" and I want to please Him.

I found out later that during the cruise God had been dealing with Tony about him and his family and how as the head of the home, he is held accountable for us. JUST like as parents we are held accountable for our children. The things that Tony shared with me had me floored. I had NO idea. NONE.

I'm SO glad he made the first move. I thank God for it ALL the time.

I guess I'm just rambling now but I'm so thankful.

My life has truly changed. There will be no walking away from the church OR walking away from God.

I've matured so much since we left our first church. The mistakes that were made were learned from and actually put us on the path that God wanted us to be on.

We know it's NOT about religion but about relationship.

One thing that I LOVE about my church is that it's ALL bible. NOT doctrine. They encourage us to get into the bible for ourselves. To read it and get an understanding.

I LOVE that.

Well, I guess that's it lol. I could literally talk about this all day but I guess this needs to end somewhere.I hope I answered your question :)

Thanks for reading if you got this far and if you are local, come ONE time and your life will not be the same.

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

I've been going through a situation and well it's been a hard one. (Goes back to this situation, should have posted this one first. Oops! :)

I've finally taken my hands off of it. FINALLY.

Whatever will be will be.

Sooooo, Something totally unexpected happend.

ALL I could hear was God saying, "be careful". I'm like O_O ok.

When God says be careful. BE CAREFUL.

WATCH AND PRAY!!!!!

People will try to USE you. I KNEW beyond a doubt that when that unexpected thing happened it wasn't sincere. I ALREADY KNEW.

God will NOT allow me to be fooled. NOT.AT.ALL.

I'm learning to really, really listen for God's voice. It's not a big huge James Earl Jones booming voice, it's a soft voice. In my experience anyway. So I have to literally be quiet, be still and listen.

God hasn't failed me yet. He is so faithful.

NO DEAD WEIGHT.

I don't care who you are. If you are  going to get in my way of pleasing him??? BYE BYE.

I encourage you all, be aware of those around you. I'm asking God to remove people from my life that might hinder me from making progress in Him.

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

MARRIAGE

If you enlarge this picture you can see that I have two stones missing from my wedding ring. If I would have taken this pic with my 50mm then you would also be able to see a ton of scratches on it.

Tony has been trying to get me to "upgrade" my wedding ring for the LONGEST. I just don't want it.

When we got married (at 19), we could NOT afford a big ole huge pretty ring. I THINK this ring was around $500 or $600. That was fine with me.

When I look at my ring, those two missing stones remind me of the two HORRIBLE years we had. I mean they were HORRIBLE. Like forreal lol. TERRIBLE.

The scratches remind me of the countless things we went through. Some my fault, some his.

The fact that I'm still WEARING my ring, that symbolizes our MARRIAGE is just a wonderful thing to me. I KNOW it was God's "glue" that kept us together.

There was a time when I almost lost my family. Yep. ME lol.

There was a time when I did not want to be a mother OR a wife and I acted out on that. More than once. I wasn't taking care of my home, Tony OR the kids.

What I've learned over the years is that it takes TWO to make a marriage work and it's NOT a 50%- 50% thing. It's 100%- 100%.

You can't do all the giving and you can't do all the taking. It works both ways.

I've learned to pick my battles. Some are worth fighting for, some are not.

I've learned most of all to PRAY.

So many people give up on marriages so easily now. When you marry, you married the person you are with for a reason.

Learn to pray and seek God when things get tough.

I try to tell folks all the time when you say your vows, sometimes you get to the "for worse" before you get to the "for better".

I look at my marriage now and it's all that I ever thought it would be. SURE there is room for improvement. We aren't perfect but we have joy. There is happiness in our home. I WANT to be a mother. I WANT to be a wife. Not just any kind of mother and wife but the wife that God desires me to be.

Marriage isn't for everyone, so think about it LONG and HARD. God doesn't approve all kinds of seperation. If you do it the wrong way, you will be messed up. That's not me, that's the WORD. So be careful, and be prayerful.

I know so many marriages going through the ringer right now. I always pray God's will be done in their lives. At one point I was praying something else, then realized that God's will is better than ANYTHING I can every want.

Just want to encourage someone to hold on. Marriages, especially younger marriages is something that's very near and dear to my heart. I'm young and my marriage has really been tested and tried but we made by the grace of God.

 This has been in my drafts forever. Here are a few more blog posts I've seen that were really good concerning marriage:

http://nineteen69.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/the-point-of-it-all/#comment-16440

http://couplethingsblog.wordpress.com/2011/10/18/warning-signs/

http://couplethingsblog.wordpress.com/2011/10/20/relationship-trouble-shooting-part-1/

HEre is one more link a friend sent me the other day:

http://www.joycemeyer.org/BroadcastHome.aspx?video=How_Do_I_Make_This_Relationship_Work?_

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

If you have a minute, listen to this song.

I've been hurting something awful. Not physically, but emotionally.

I've been on the verge of making my blog private. I've been on the verge of ending friendships. I've been on the verge of really cutting people off.

Not because they are blad influences, but because I allowed someone to hurt me to my very core.

For a while I didn't think they did it ON purpose, but it was purposely done. If that makes ANY sense?

I cried for days and days and days.

I didn't want to be close to ANYONE anymore. AT ALL. PERIOD.

I have some plans coming up and I was ready to cancel them. Like, take a loss on the money paid, pay them back and just cancel. Seriously.

God let me know that isn't the thing to do.

He let me know I have to stop trying to "fix" it and just let Him handle it.

He let me know I had to stop trying to "do" it myself.

As the tears flow, I'm letting go. Taking my hands off the situation and moving on.

I'm not one that has ever battled with depression, but I do believe I was VERY close. I had NO peace, I had periods of happiness but NO joy. NONE. I pulled away from EVERYONE. No need to bring them down because I was in a funk.

I wasn't eating right, not sleeping well, trying to trust God but didn't know how.

Trying to take my hands off of it but not realizing how.

Not only was this bothering me emotionally, it was tearing me up spiritually. Now we have a spiritual battle on my hands. Not wanting to praise God, not wanting to worship Him, not wanting to talk to Him at all.

NOT GOOD.

I realize now HOW to let go.

I realize now it's NOT my battle to fight.

I realize I have to praise and worship Him PAST my feelings.

I realize that He can handle any situation better than I ever could.

He has shown me how to pray about it.

I don't have to say anything to anyone OTHER than Him.

This was EYE OPENING for me.

Eye opening and heart breaking.

BUT GOD.

When I finish this post, my hands will be off of it.

I'm going to continue to move past the hurt and the pain.

I'm going to move on realizing that you do indeed reap what you sow. It might not come back the exact way you put it out but it is coming back.

I don't know how long this will sit in my drafts, but when the time is right I'll post it.

I'll no longer allow hurt to keep me from being a blessing to someone else. THAT is a trick of the enemy.

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

 

 

Soul Food, My Walk With God

Ya know, I'm not a preacher, but sometimes this stuff hits me so hard my blog is THE best way for me to release it lol.

I was talking to my mom the other day about something and she really put me at ease when she said, don't worry about it you reap what you sow.

What I had to remember is when it's TIME to reap, it might not come back like you put it out there.

Just like when a farmer "sows" a seed, he "reaps" a plant. He didn't plant a plant and get a plant. He planted a seed and got a plant. Make sense?

You have to be SO careful when doing things. You have to be so careful when you say "God ordained this". You better be sure. Sometimes JUST because everything fell into the right place does NOT mean God's hand is on it.

You have to be SO careful how you treat people.

You around here being low down and dirty, evil hearted and just plain mean? Man you better watch out.

It IS coming back. Some folks call it karma. I call it reaping what you sowed.

If ONE thing encourages me to live the best life I can, be the best person I can (outside of what it says in the Word) it's my kids. THEY encourage me. WHY? Because sometimes you can reap THROUGH your kids.

I had to stop this morning and pray, Lord please don't let them reap through their kids.

I hate to see a hurting child, but for a child to hurt because of something "I" did? Not going down. Not here.

Children are so innocent. They didn't ask to be here. They didn't ASK to be born. Nerp. I do it for them.

I've done some terrible things, and I pray that God does not let me reap through them.

Ok, that's all I got today lol

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

STORMS

Sometimes in our life we have storms. Trials. Times that really aren't so happy, happy, joy, joy.

But one thing I've found we don't ask ourselves is, essentially "did I do this"?

What I'm learning about myself is that when I don't line up my life with the Word, I will find myself in a place I might not  be in if I had just done what God said.

NOW, that doesn't mean that God won't ALLOW things to happen in our lives to get our attention. I believe that as well, but some things we do NOT have to go through if we (I) just do what God says.

I can remember a time in my marriage where it was HORRIBLE. Seriously. I would pray and fast and just stay before God and I'm like WHY am I going through this. God's answer? Because I didn't obey. I didn't obey what the Word said to do. I MESSED UP BIG TIME. I sowed that seed, and when it was time to reap? MANNNNNNN I felt like God had just left me all alone.

I wasn't even walking according to His will but I KNEW what to do. I knew to fast and pray. I KNEW to get away from everyone and just talk to God. I KNEW. I also knew that when I was sowing that seed, it was DEAD WRONG.

 I'm going through a trial now and Tony and I were talking and we realized it was something we brought on ourselves by NOT being obedient. Obedience is something else.

I'm also learning that HOW you go through a thing really matters. It is NOT easy to "count it all joy" as the scripture says when you are in the FIYA. No sirrrr. Not easy at all, but it's necessary. I figured that out TODAY.

I had to learn to not  be so quick to say it's the "enemy" doing things.

Don't be mad at God.

Look at yourself first. Look at what you have been doing. Look at the seeds you have been sowing. You might learn a WHOLE lot.

If you are in a season of storms, just know that seasons change. It won't always be this way.

 

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

I believe in the power of prayer. Period.

I've been going to 5am prayer at my church for months now. I got off track when we went to Orlando. The kids started school and I'm just now getting back to it.

I LOVE 5am prayer. I love my prayer time but there is something about GOING to pray. Putting forth the effort to get up and get dressed and leave your home to pray with a group of believers.

This has been a tough week for me emotionally. I'm learning that I can NOT depend on my "feelings". They are fickle and when it comes to prayer, don't mean much at all.

I'm learning that when God places someone or something on my heart. I need to go ahead and handle that, no matter HOW I feel.

I am starting to see some of the things that God is doing in my life. It's humbling AND scary lol.

I'm thankful that He is trusting me with such things and it KEEPS me on my knees because I don't want to mess it up.

It's amazing when I see my prayers come to pass. AMAZING.

Let me set the record straight. I'm NOT a selfish prayer. NERP. Of course I have needs/wants/desires but God's Will for my life is the thingI pray for DAILY.

I don't want to do ANYTHING that isn't in God's will for ME.

There are things that I want that God is CLEARLY showing me He doesn't want for me. The LAST thing I want is for Him to give it to me ANYWAY. That would be horrible lol.

He's able to see things I have NO idea about, so I'mma trust HIM.

I started keeping a prayer journal in January and it's been amazing to go back and read some of my prayers. I try to write down when God answers a prayer also. That prayer journal has been THE best thing for me.

We have a family prayer box. It's this BIG pretty box. I'm teaching the kids to pray. The importance of prayer. When we have something super special that we really need GOd to do, we write it down, fold it up, date it and put our name on it. No one can read what anyone else wrote, but when God answers the prayer, we go back and find ours and date it and put ANSWERED on the outside.

Talk about a good track record.

Live a life where you KNOW God hears and answers your prayers. Don't be the type of person that just prays when things are going wrong. Have a RELATIONSHIP with God so that He knows you.

Don't be like that person you know who ONLY comes to you when they need something. Don't you roll your eyes and ignore their call when they do?

Just something to think about.

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

 

Soul Food, My Walk With God

 

The New Me

I had someone leave a comment not long ago, saying they love the "new me".

I have to tell y'all, I am BRAND NEW.

I realize how important a relationship with God is. Just like the relationship with my husband, it requires work, and communication.

I don't take it lightly at all.

I no longer do the same things I did, or go the same places I went, or even say the things I said, or watch certain stuff on TV.

Some people have said, uhhh why you gotta be like that? Because I want my reationship to be pure and not tainted. Same with my marriage. I don't just do any ole thing, or treat Tony any ole way.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, a relationship with God is so much more than going to church. There has to be daily communication. You need the Word to feed you daily. Can you just eat one meal a week? Just eat dinner on Thursday and don't eat again until next week? You will be sick. Same thing happens spiritually (IMO), you will get sick when you aren't "eating" the Word.

Sure you can't be in the Word ALL DAY EVERYDAY. God does desire us to have life AND to have it more abundantly but don't take that scripture and run with it lol. KNOW the context that it's coming from lol.

That's it for today. This has been sitting in my drafts since JUNE 28 lol. Gotta clear all of these out lol.

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

 

FRIENDS

Over the past few years (really the past 8 or 9 years) I have always been surrounded with "friends".

I always thought I had to be around a bunch of people to be happy, so I was ALWAYS around a bunch of people. I knew folks from everywhere and was ALWAYS talking to someone.

That got me into some trouble. Trouble I didn't see coming, but trouble Tony saw coming a MILE away. I ignored him. I kept thinking, dang, dude just doesn't want me to have ANY friends. BOY was I wrong.

It had gotten to a point where Tony would warn me EVERY time I introduced him to a "new friend". I was living the high life, but my marriage was failing.

You see, Tony can "see" people. Like forreal. Don't think you are gonna pull one over on him. He can tell right off if you are up to no good or not. He has ALWAYS been like that. ALWAYS. Now, when he tells me about someone, I listen. I've learned the hard way. I'm through with that test.

We went through some VERY rough times. REAL rough. Like ready to throw in the towel rough. We got through it. Thankfully.

I thought I was good. I thought I was over the friend thing. NOT.

What I've learned is that you will take the SAME EXACT TEST until you pass it.

I make "friends" really quick. I click with a lot of people instantly and that isn't always a good thing.

When I think back over these past years and all of these past friendships, my heart will start to get heavy. WHY? Because there were SO many different people in my life. Some we just lost touch, some friendships grew apart, others were ended and they ended bad.

Then I start to REALLY think about these people that have been in my life. Some were in it for one reason or another, some for a "season". I think about the good times, the bad times, and where things went wrong.

I think about all the lessons I've learned, and boy have I learned a LOT of lessons.

One of the most important lessons I've learned is HOW TO BE A FRIEND.

I have NOT always been a good friend. I've done things I'm ashamed of, said things I shouldn't have said and gone places that I had NO business going.

I think God allowed me to go through the things I've gone through concerning my friends so I could REALLY learn to be a GOOD friend.

When I gave my life back to God in January, I had to let go of a LOT of people. It wasn't because I didn't care about them or thought I was better than them, it was because I just couldn't be in a friendship where I wasn't being a blessing to someone OR if that person wasn't being a blessing to me.

Now, hopefully that doesn't come off as selfish, but I can't be around people who are always bringing me down. I know we all have our "moments" but that's all that they should be, moments. Moments SHOULDN'T be an everyday thing (IMO).

I didn't feel bad about my decision, but at times I wondered if I was doing the right thing and EVERYTIME I would wonder that, God would confirm it for me.

For WEEKS after we joined our new church home, someone was ALWAYS talking about friends, and how you just can't hang out with everyone. WEEKS. WEEKSSSSS!! I was like ok God, I hear you, and I stood firm on my decisions.

I made a vow when we got to our new church, I was going to Praise and Worship my God, and hear the Word. I was NOT going to make friends. I didn't NOT want to make friends based on someones apperance (because let's face it, that's all you see at first). I told God, my purpose was to serve Him. "IF" I made a friend along the way, fine, but I specifically asked Him to place people in my life who were good for me, and people who I could be good for.

No more dead weight. NONE.

No more takers. NONE.

ONLY people who would be a blessing and people I could be a blessing to.

God has indeed started to place those people in my life. I appreciate what He is doing, but I'm thankful that He trusts me enough to have a REAL friend. To BE a real friend.

I've messed over so many friendships in the past, I now know how to appreciate a friend. I know how to BE a friend. I know how to be a wife AND a friend. Things I had NO idea about before. That is why my marriage suffered. I would put my friends BEFORE my husband.

BIG HUGE NO -NO. But yep, I did. (dumb huh? lol) Had some reallllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy not so good days lol.

I'm thankful that God kept His hands on my marriage. Even through all my junk. Don't get it twisted, Tony hasn't been a Saint, but this ain't about him. It's about ME and MY junk.

 Tears fill my eyes because I feel a release. One that's I've been praying about since January. I've needed to truly let go of something and it's finally happening. I thank God for it. I truly do.

I no longer need to be around everyone all the time. I no longer need to be around "everyone". The people I need to be around live in the same house as me.

Now that doesn't mean that I don't go out and have a good time. I do. WITHOUT the folks that live in this house lol. I need that. Shoot, we ALL need that, but that "need" for everyone is gone.

God has filled my life with SO much.

That "need" for people has turned into a "need" for prayer and a "need" to read God's Word. That not only benefits me, but it benefits those that God has placed in my life. It benefits those people I will cross paths with on a daily basis. It benefits those who call/email/text/facebook/tweet me needing some advice or asking me to pray for them.

I don't have many people I talk to on a daily basis. THREE that are constant. ONE of those people I don't live with but love her dearly. We both know that God placed us in each others lives at the right time. She has told me what her reason for being in my life is(said she got real nosy and started asking God all kind of questions about me lol) , and she has told me why she believes I'm in her life but I know ONE reason God placed her in my life is because He can now trust me with HIS people.

That means a lot to me. A WHOLE lot.

That's all I have for today lol. My heart is so full because God has answered my prayer. I'm free from it now and for that I am thankful.

 

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

Change

I looked up the definition of change and I liked this one:

2. to transform or convert

 

These posts aren't for y'all but to remind me of where I've come from so I won't go back there again. Might not share all the intimate details of my wrong doings or my trials but I was deep off in sin. Doing things and participiting n things I knew were not of God, and doing these things NOT so long ago.

I'm so thankful for where I am in God today. I learned (just on yesterday) that growth in God is a process. It won't happen overnight, so I'm going to enjoy this process. This very internal change that God is doing in my life.

Not just MY life, but in Tony, Jaelyn, Kayla and Aj. It's amazing what can happen when your entire family has the same goal. To live a life for God.

I tried for so long to stop the crap I was doing. I went from one horrible thing to another and it just kept getting worse.

What I learned is that change happens from the inside out and no matter how much someone ELSE wants you to change and do right, you HAVE to want it for yourself. There is no other way around it.

If you change for someone else and not yourself, you will be back to your old ways in no time.

That's why it's so important to do it for YOU. You have to do it because YOU desire to do better, because YOU want to do things differently. If you don't do it for you and you alone, you will fail. No way around it.

That's all I have to say lol. Just wanted to get that out.

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

I totally credit http://serenity23.blogspot.com/ for my love of workbooks. Had it not been for her I would have NEVER known about them. EVER.

When I do these workbooks, I never finish one and I'm still the same. SOMETHING in me has changed. They change the way I think, the way I talk and the way I pray.

They've helped me so much with my walk with God.

I'm currently doing this one with a group of ladies.

Fruit of the Spirit

It's amazing. Seriously.

We are on week 4 and it realllyyyy makes you look at yourself.

I follow these ladies on FB, Twitter and the blog lol:

http://www.womensbiblecafe.com/

I kept meaning to check out their bible studies and I FINALLY did it.

http://www.womensbiblecafe.com/our-bible-studies/

These are the two they have coming up:

Duty or Delight and Brave. I don't THINK I'm going to be able to do these two WITH them....I might though. I really want to do both. I may just pick up the workbooks and finish them at a later date.

I will start with them in the Fall. I have one of the workbooks and the other one is on my list to purchase.

Anyway, just wanted to share with you all. I figure it might be something you all will like :)

 

 

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

GOD KNOWS MY HEART

I had a wonderful conversation with a really good friend of mine talking about when people say God knows my heart. I had this whole post typed up but decided not to go that way. I'm just gonna post scritpures and be finished with it. My opinion means nothing but the Word of God means EVERYTHING.

 

Galatians 5:19-23

The Message (MSG)

 ^19-21It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

   This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.

 ^22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

 ^23-24Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.

James 4:1-10

Contemporary English Version (CEV)

James 4

Friendship with the World

 ¹Why do you fight and argue with each other? Isn't it because you are full of selfish desires that fight to control your body? ²You want something you don't have, and you will do anything to get it. You will even kill! But you still cannot get what you want, and you won't get it by fighting and arguing. You should pray for it. ³Yet even when you do pray, your prayers are not answered, because you pray just for selfish reasons.

    ⁴You people aren't faithful to God! Don't you know that if you love the world, you are God's enemies? And if you decide to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. ⁵Do you doubt the Scriptures that say, "God truly cares about the Spirit he has put in us"? ^{[a] 6}In fact, God treats us with even greater kindness, just as the Scriptures say, "God opposes everyone

   who is proud,

   but he is kind to everyone

   who is humble."

    ⁷Surrender to God! Resist the devil, and he will run from you. ⁸Come near to God, and he will come near to you. Clean up your lives, you sinners. Purify your hearts, you people who can't make up your mind. ⁹Be sad and sorry and weep. Stop laughing and start crying. Be gloomy instead of glad. ¹⁰Be humble in the Lord's presence, and he will honor you.

Galatians 5:19-23

American Standard Version (ASV)

 

 ¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these: fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

 ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousies, wraths, factions, divisions, parties,

 ²¹ envyings, drunkenness, revellings, and such like; of which I forewarn you, even as I did forewarn you, that they who practise such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

 ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

 ²³ meekness, self-control; against such there is no law.

 

Remember next time you say God knows my heart that He DOES know you heart. He knows exactly where your heart is if you are doing something you KNOW you shouldn't be doing, saying, going, etc. HE KNOWS. He knows your heart and your motives. HE KNOWS. Even if you try to fool yourself. 

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

BLESSED: divinely or supremely favored; fortunate.

Isn't that a beautiful definition?

I go to 5am prayer at my church and on the way there this morning I realized just how blessed I am. I mean I KNOW I'm blessed but it's like I appreciate it or something. I don't know how to describe it.

It's not STUFF. I'm not interested in stuff. I mean it's nice and all but that's not why I'm blessed.

I'm blessed by my walk with God, I'm blessed with a wonderful husband and great kids (even when I wanna knock them out lol)

I'm blessed with wonderful friends and family.

I'm SO thankful!

After prayer I turned my ipod on and it's always on shuffle and this song came on: Ohhhhhh!!! It got in my heart and I've been STUCK ON IT!!!!!

God has been SO good to me. Last night Tony got sick and I had to take him to the ER. All I could do was pray that it wasn't the same problem he had last year.

I was at Bible Study when he called me, but it was amazing to me that the Word I got, kept me from being nervous about him not feeling well.

The speaker was saying at one point that if you keep your mind on Jesus He will keep you in PERFECT PEACE. That's why its SO good to KNOW scripture. Keep a scripture in your heart so when things come up, you go to that scripture. Repeat it, whatever you have to do to keep God on your mind. I was at peace the ENTIRE time.

I thank God for it.

That's all lol. I'm just BLESSED and I realize it. I'm thankful for it and not taking it lightly.

I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!

Soul Food, My Walk With God

Forgiveness.

Why is it so hard. Why is it so hard to FORGIVE YOURSELF.

God's Grace & Mercy covers us.

But why is it SO hard to forgive ourselves when we do something that we KNOW isn't in God's Will for our lives?

I promise it's the WORST feeling ever. We ask for forgivness, we KNOW that God has forgiven us and will remember our sins no more (Hebrews 10:17) But why can't we forgive ourselves? Why do we STILL feel that guilt.

When I say "WE" I mean "I".

When we do or say things out of the way, WHY can't WE let go and forget about it, accept God's forgiveness, be thankful for His Grace and Mercy and move on?

Here are a few things the bible says about forgiveness:

 1 John 1:9 (King James Version)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

Ephesians 1:6-7 (King James Version)

  To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

  In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;

 

Colossians 1:12-14 (King James Version)

  Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:

  Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son:

In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins.

 

God sure does know how to keep you on your knees.

Not perfect but striving daily to be the woman that God wants me to be.

Soul Food, My Walk With God

Jealousy is a dangerous thing. Here are a few things the Bible says about being jealous:

"Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple."
Job 5:2

"For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare
when he takes revenge."
Proverbs 6:34

"For while there is jealousy and strife among you,
are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?"
1 Corinthians 3:3

"…idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."
Galatians 5:20-21

Why am I talking about this? I found myself in this VERY spot not long ago.

I had someone tell me thank you for something that I taught them over EIGHT years ago. I was like whoaaa I remember that. I had totally forgotten about it until they mentioned it.

See, jealousy has a way of making you OVERLOOK your OWN blessings.

I was sitting down thinking about it and my heart started feeling funny. I was like OH NO MAAM!! no you WON'T!!

Yep, I found myself being jealous. Guess what I did? I recognized it for what it was and I prayed and asked God to take that thing away.

He did just that.

See, before I knew anything about my part in this persons life, I was TRULY happy for them. Like seriously happy to see them succeed. I told him and his wife, I am just so proud of y'all. WHY? Because I truly was. I still am.

So it kinda caught me by suprise that I felt the way I did.

Once I knew I had a part in that I was like WHOOOAAA lol. My feelings started to change.

I did NOT like that one bit.

It amazes me that I can actually sit here and say that I was jealous. I've never been the jealous type. I'm one of those that are truly happy when people are doing well. When things are going great. I also love to encourage folks when things aren't going so great.

I'm glad I had that shortcoming. God is keeping me on my knees and I love it.

I say it ALL THE TIME. I'm not perfect, just striving daily to become the woman that God wants me to be.

Soul Food, My Walk With God

I was thinking the other day about prayer. My prayer life has totally changed.

I was reading in the bible where it says something along the lines of ask what you will in my name and I will give it. Hmmmm. I PROMISE the first thought that went through my mind was, "what do I want?" lol.

I mean all I have to do is ask for it right? LOL. All I wanted was spiritual things. A closer walk with God, a better understanding of His word, to live the life, not just talk the talk.

When Tony and I gave our lives back to God we let a LOT of people go. People that just weren't good for us. We don't do the things we did when we were hanging with them so we just put a LOT of distance between us.

Well, we knew one of them was going to have surgery and we would call before hand to see about the time and stuff, well there were complications. Major ones. They are doing ok, but have a long road to recovery.

It made me realize that we (I) have to STAY prayed up. Not just pray when things are bad. IMO its like going to the bank to get some money out because you have an emergency and there is NONE there. I want a relationship. I want to know God and I want Him to know me. Not look at me like who is this when I start talking to Him about something.

I'm not perfect, just a woman striving to live my life the Bible way and be pleasing to God.

Soul Food, My Walk With God

**I ask that you all be respectful. Please do not bash anyone in the comments that may or may not share the same views. If you would like to comment please do so, if not that's fine. This is the way that "I" feel, you may or may not agree, I just ask that you be respectful**

I mentioned starting another "series" on my blog. Well this will be it. I can't go any futher without saying a big huge thank you to two people who have helped me sooooooo much in my new journey. Lady Lee and Serenity.

These two ladies have TRULY blessed me more than I think they can ever know.

Ladylee did this four part series on purpose. If you have time and it interests you, read it. I'm even going to make it easy and link all four parts lol.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

I mentioned before that she was one of my new favorite bloggers. At first, it was because of her writing style. I mean sistah can WRITE!!!! Then, the more we talked...ahhhh yes. I am her MAMA! LOL

Seriously though, she has BLESSED ME. She takes time out to answer all these questions I might have and I love that.

I used to hear about Lady Lee and Serenity doing these "workbooks" so I said, next go round I would join in. Little did I know at the time that she was going to do one on her blog.

The one we are doing now is Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted

We are currently on day 5. You can click HERE to follow along.

This is really blessing me. Like really. It's making me think and I'm digging into the scriptures in a way I never have.

Tony and I have totally redicated our lives to God. All we want to do is live a life that's pleasing to Him. We have done a WHOLE lot of changing. Like 360 changes so that our life lines up with the Word.  We are not perfect, we just love God. We are members of a church that was simply LOVE. It's so wonderful to be a part of ministry where we are truly being fed. The kids love it, we love it and we are making ourselves available so that God can use us.

Speaking of, here is a picture that we took for the new members board thingy lol.

 We are so happy about our church home. Soooooooooooo happy lol. Can't stress it enough.

I had someone tell me not long ago that my blog helped them through one of the hardest times in their life. I was floored. And humbled. All I have ever been is me. 

I've always prayed and stuff...gone to church, but never really "changed" if that makes any sense.

I never really had a real relationship with God. I'm learning it's more than just going to church on Sunday. It's a daily walk.

I don't know how often I'll post in this "series" maybe when I learn something new or come across a scripture. Who knows, but when I do get ready I will lol.

Ok, I've rambled enough lol.

Toodles!