Ever feel like you are being pulled in every direction?
That's how I feel right about now.
It's Monday morning. 11am. I've put out several fires, handled my house hold duties, been a mom, wife, tech support and I'm TIRED.
I don't complain much. Like seriously. But today, well the past week or so it's just been crazy.
I have a headache.
I feel like crying.
I don't want to do ANYTHING.
It sounds selfish.
It feels selfish.
But to be honest, at this point, I don't even care.
I've prayed. I've cried. I've had cupcakes & Ice cream.
I've had a heart to heart with Tony.
I've said no to my parents.
I've said no to almost all requests that have come my way.
I'm turning my phone off.
I need a break.
Away from everyone & everything.
It has been three years since I wrote this post..
It STILL hurts. We STILL miss Patrick. We STILL love him. He is STILL so very, very missed.
We love you Patrick RIP
Hey guys! I'm home and resting.
Thank you all for your emails/messages/visits/deliveries. It means soooo much to me. Y'all already know this blog is MORE than just a blog. Y'all are like family!
I'm doing OKAY. I'm in pain and a LOT of it but on bed rest for about 8-10 weeks.
I've had a scare with fever but new meds helped a LOT with that.
Some days have been better/worse than others but I'm keeping a praise on my lips & in my heart.
There is NOTHING too hard for God!
I was planning a trip to NY but that has been put on hold until I am totally healed.
I'll be around on these here innna nets and as my body allows I'll be cutting out patterns/fabrics and I'll try to get some sewing done. MAYBE. Highly doubt my caretakers will allow me lol. Im not actually able to go up the stairs alone, so I guess "planning" a wardrobe will be fun lol.
I guess this is a great time to do some scrapping huh? Nerp, all of that is upstairs too lol. I have been knitting though lol.
Take it easy and thank you again. You sure do know how to make a girl feel loved!
I am scheduling this to post on April 3. Today is March 19.
I've had a battery of tests done the past few weeks and I haven't been feeling well AT ALL.
I know this is all a part of God's plan for my life so I'm GOOD. I KNOW He has me in his hands.
From the very beginning of all of this, I've said whatever God will is for me, is FINE. His will is what I want for my life.
Please keep me in your prayers. I'll will be in for a few days but I'll update once I get home and settled.
I remember not so many years ago when I would do things to please people.
A LOT of what I did was to please folks.
PEOPLE was a huge problem for me.
I would change who I was in order to satisfy the people I was around.
In short, I was MISERABLE. I didn't know it at the time, but I truly was.
I've learned to just be me. ADRIENNE.
If YOU like $1000 shoes, thats YOU. I am NOT about to go broke trying to get stuff that YOU like.
If YOU only like to dresses that are $2000 that's YOU. I'm NOT about to go broke trying to get things that YOU like.
If "I" eat food with cream of chicken in it and YOU don't, I'm not going to stop eating stuff with cream of chicken in it.
In short, I'm going to do what makes Adrienne & family happy. You continue to do what makes YOU happy.
I don't like it when people try and make other people feel bad because they don't do or like the things that the other one likes. I hate that really.
If you like to work out and I don't, that shouldn't be a problem lol.
I think things are so messed up in todays society because a LOT of people don't think for themselves. They allow what other people say and do to influence their actions.
I'm so cautious now of who I allow in my space. See, people will see who you are and what you have and will be jealous (NOT SAYING I HAVE ANYTHING TO BE JEALOUS OF, just making a point) of that and do things to make you NOT happy.
They know your character and they know they can get over on you. MOST times it's because you are happier than they are, or in a good place and they don't like that. So they get in your head and get you off track.
Yep, I've been there too. I let someone talk me into some things and lawd. SMH.
So I speak from experience.
I didn't believe in MYSELF. I didn't have confidence in myself.
Sure, some of you may have ALWAYS been confident in yourself, always had your own mind, always did/do your own thing but that wasn't Adrienne.
NOW....babbbbyyyyy. Humph lol. God keeps me level headed and He will show me things WAY before it happens. Even if I choose to ignore what He is showing me.
Just be encouraged. Be you. Don't let what others do influence YOUR actions.
YOU reap what YOU sow.
Ok, I'm done lol. Just needed to get that out. Next update will be something crafty or happy go lucky. Some sunshine and rainbows lol SOMETHING lol
Ya know, I'm not perfect. I've never claimed to be. I've had my share of mistakes, mess ups... what ever you want to call them.
Ive learned that people tell and say what they WANT to say. Have you ever asked someone a question and they just totally avoided it? That means they don't want you to know. I don't avoid questions. I'll tell you straight up that it's none of your business. If I feel like it's going to help you not make the same mistakes "I" made, I'll gladly open up and share so YOU won't mess up. But just being nosy? Umm naw playa.
I just saw something that REALLY upset me. It was something I shouldn't have seen but at the same time I kinda think I saw it so I could remeber. Never forget the way I was treated or the way things were totally blown out of line.
I said the other day that Jealousy is a disease and it's JUST as deadly as cancer. I meant that.
You know it doesn't matter what people say or what they do. ESPECIALLY if you have covered all YOUR bases and told the truth and gotten it right with God. You have NOTHING to worry about. The OTHER people end up looking stupid. It was your fault anyway. YOU opened the door for that mess.I just didn't use my better judgement.
I totally believe that things happen for a reason. The good and not so good. If you are wise, you will learn from all of it. The stupid folks, hold on to it, remind themselves of it and never let it go.
That eats away at you.
Now that I've seen that and gotten it off my chest. I'm GOOD.
The phone call that happened a few months ago, means nothing now. I know it wasn't sincere.
I know you reap what you sow, but when it's time for me to reap (if I haven't already) I'm walking in God's will and I KNOW no weapon formed against me shall prosper. IT WON'T WORK.
I seriously thought about making my blog private, but you know what? I'm not. Who knows what I've gone through and choose to blog about or the lessons that I've learned won't help someone else?
I was thinking about doing a straight craft blog, but that's not me either. All I can be is me. Take it or leave it.
**Back to my regularly scheduled blogging*
Back in December I went to Mo's vision board party. Here is a picture of my board.
This board represents me and my family and some goals I have for us.
I picked these words and phrases to surrond my family because I only want the best for us. I TRULY believe that there is power in the tongue and you can SPEAK things into being. My family is what is most important to me. You see I was one of those people who took my family for granted. Sure I love them, but I didn't APPRECIATE them. When you are around people ALL THE TIME, sometimes you tend to get complaciant. Well maybe not you but "I" did. I would put any and everything before them and their needs and I was THINKING I was doing what I was supposed to do as a wife and mother. Umm no. HUGE FAIL on my part, but the thing is once I REALIZED where I was messing up, I changed all of that.
One of my favorite quotes on this board is the one that says, "Made for us time in the middle of family time". That is SO me and Tony. We love family time but we love being able to have time just for "us".
That doesn't mean that they don't get on my LAST complete nerve, it just means I know how to appreciate the good and not so good.
I loved the "never look back". On top of that I taped..love the present. That is the best and only way to live. We can't let our past mistakes mess up our present. The future isn't promised so there is no need to worry about that. All we can do is live in the NOW. That doesn't mean don't plan....just enjoy RIGHT NOW.
I'll add to this as the year progresses, and as I accomplish some things that are on here, I will take some away. I love, love, love mine :)
I really enjoyed creating my vision board and plan to go back to Atlanta when Mo has her next one and I want to have one here for my friends.
Do you all have a vision board? What type of things are on it?
Yesterday I was talking to a friend and we ended up talking about marriage issues and issues when in committed relationships. I carried the conversation over to twitter and it got really interesting.
I want to ask y'all what would y'all do.
When going through hard times in a marriage/committed relationship do you talk about those things or do you keep them to yourself?
Especially when you are a blogger or into social networking? Do you find one friend to talk to about the situation or do you keep it to yourself?
I have a friend I've known since childhood and she was going through some hard stuff. LIKE HARD STUFF. She came and stayed with me and we laughed and talked it up all night. Had a fantastic time and I NEVER knew what was going on.
MONTHS later she told me about her situation. I was devistated. I was hurt mainly because she was hurting. Someone on twitter asked me if that made me question our friendship. I told them no. Not at all.
I did ask her why she didn't say anything about it and she told me it was because she didn't want to speak life into the situation. She felt like if she didn't say anything and just pray about it, it would get better.
I totally respect that.
The general answer on twitter was that they wouldn't say anything. Especially if going through marital problems. One person said when she is reading blogs and she reads of marital problems it makes her uneasy. She said if she were married she would keep it between her and her spouse.
Same here. I tell y'all a lot but if Tony and I were on the rocks, I'd never open my mouth. Not ever lol.
I'd keep it going. Keep posting, keep living life lol.
I have told y'all (or maybe my twitter fam) that I've wanted to choke him but ummm lol I'm sure he has wanted to do the same to me lol.
I've mentioned before that after being together since 1993 and married for almost 14 years, if we could have gone through it WE HAVE lol.
So umm yeah lol. That was good convo yesterday. So what would y'all do?
Inquiring minds want to know... Shoot "I" want to know lol.
Sometimes in life you go through things that you may not REALLY want to go through.
Sometimes in life you hold on to things that you really need to let go of.
Sometimes in life you hold on to grudges that are SO old, that are SO dumb-but sometimes you don't see that...right then.
Sometimes in life you are hurt. Sometimes that hurt causes you to hold onto grudges, people and or things that you really need to let go of.
Sometimes holding on to that grudge/hurt keeps you from happiness. It keeps you bitter, and you hold on to it because when holding on to that bitterness, it keeps you close to what you are holding on to.
Does that make sense?
If you let go, you are no longer a part of what you are holding on to.
When you let go, that THING, person, grudge no longer has a part of your life, or power over you.
Sometimes that hurts.
It's time to let go.
Maybe none of you have gone through anything like that, but I have and I'm letting go.
Tony is home and doing pretty well. We are both getting adjusted to this "new" lifestyle.
We take a class on Wednesday morning and I'm really looking forward to it. We have both been educating ourselves, knowledge truly is power.
I really want to thank you all for everything. It's amazing to me how many of y'all really care. It's like we are all apart of this little "family". Blogging has brought some beautiful people into my life and I'm truly thankful for it.
We are trying to get back into somewhat of a normal routine lol.
Hot water tank burst today and my car ran hot lol. Whewwwwwwww instead of crying I just laughed lol.
I was surrounded by the love of my family....all the grandkids were at my house lol
Fun times indeed lol. I was glad when everyone went home. Gotta love PEACE! LOL
I have been crafty! LOL well just a little. Needed something to do with my hands. I still need to remove the threads but it's almost done. I'll show a completed pic and a link to the tutorial I found while blog hopping next post.
Ok, that's it for me. Gonna be a super busy week.
Thanks again guys for EVERYTHING. Its truly appreciated!
July has gone away.
August is here.
It's a new month.
A new day.
A new beginning.
I went to something and this was the label on the bag:
You see the butterfly on the bottom? That's the symbol. It was on everything they gave us.
They talked about how the butterfly is like the universal symbol for change and transformation.
During some of my "hump day ramblings" I said how I was loving butterflies. Now I love them for a WHOLE different reason.
It was AMAZING to see and be a part of such a beautiful group of women.
To listen to their struggles, their victories and their triumphs.
I left with a renewed spirit.
I left knowing that everything happens for a reason. Everything.
I'm moving forward with what has been planned and predestined for MY life.
Be encouraged. WHATEVER you are going through. Keep your head up and HANG IN THERE.
I can't even start to tell y'all how wonderful things are for me and my family right now.
I have had my share of obstacles this year, (YES it's only June lol) and I'm in the middle of a trial RIGHT NOW, but I promise you....I KNOW that when I come through this I am going to be so much better!
I'm not letting anyone or ANYTHING take my joy!
Y'all just don't know lol.
Be encouraged ya'll! Cry, scream, kick and fight if you have to, but BE ENCOURAGED!!!! Hopefully y'all have someone you love and trust that you can confide in. Talk to them, let them be a shoulder...if not..ENCOURAGE YOURSELF!!
Ok. that's it lol. I'm done lol. Had to get that out lol.
The flowers we planted for Uncle Pat last year came back just like they were supposed to :)
I'm sitting here tonight, updating my calendar and just thinking about the time.
I have a daughter that will be in highschool next year.
Y'all know I've just about raised her. I mean, I know that other things will come up but all her foundation is there.
She has her head on straight. She really is a good kid. But where did that time go.
I'm blessed y'all.
Just right now. I'm blessed.
Who knows what the future holds for my children, but they really are great kids.
They don't give me any trouble, and any of you that have met them know they are respectful and very well behaved.
THey know how to act.
They know how to be good kids when they are out.
They might be hellians when they are at the house, but they really are good kids.
They are SUPER funny.
Just good kids.
I've done all I know how to make sure they go out int he world and aren't screwed up.
I just want them to do well as adults.
Yeah, they aren't grown yet,
I guess I'm just having a moment lol.
I love them.
I pray they do well as they continue to get older.
That is all lol.
Let's play catch up again lol.
WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY back in January I went to a bead show here with Kisha lol.
Kayla had a baton recital. That's THE only picture I have lol. I do have a video I have YET to edit though lol.
Took a trip to the Pancake house...
Jaelyn had a sleepover/mall/movie trip with some of her friends for her bday lol.
Love this pic of the kids we took before going in Target...
When we came out we had snow flurries lol
I stole this pic from Cheryl's blog lol.
And I THINK we all caught up lol.
I was at the park today and I saw this older guy out walking. WITH A CANE!!!
I looked at him as he did his brisk walk and thought about all the excuses people make. Why aren't you taking care of yourself? You don't have time? You don't like it? This man walking with a cane lol. GTFOOH. lol.
People have an excuse for EVERYTHING. Seriously.
My dad told me growing up that excuses are like a$$holes. EVERYONE has one, and if that ain't the truth, I don't know what is.
Why do people always make excuses? WHY? You see there is this thing called FREE WILL lol.
Just something that was on my mind.
I saw this on twitter this morning and it REALLY hit home with me.
People don't realize that it's truly the little things that matter.
How do y'all feel about this quote? What do you think?
Feel free to talk amongst yourselves. I'll probably be in the comments with y'all.
Most of the time, I smile. A lot. I'm happy more often than not and I know I have a joy in my heart that no one can take away. But sometimes I cry.
Sometimes all the smiling and laughing in the world isn't enough to comfort a troubled heart.
Sometimes I feel God has a way of moving things/people out of your life so you can just see Him.
When you feel isolated and alone, maybe it's not meant for you to try and call up your best buddy but to kinda step away and seek God.
Why did I post this? I dunno. Maybe someone else is going through right now too. So you hang in there. I will hang in there and we will be just fine.
I know that right now I'm in the fire, but when I come out it will be as pure gold.
Change defined: to become different
The first antonym of change in the dictionary : remain
The leaves are starting to turn here. From vibrant green to the colors of fall. Orange, red, yellow. It's still early November so nothing major yet...
I've been taking pictures of trees and leaves for about two weeks, waiting on JUST the right one. I was a out and about when I saw this tree and immediately said, "wow" look at how it's changing.
Change really doesn't happen over night, but when a true change occurs it can be seen during the process.
This tree hasn't changed completely but you can certainly see that the change is indeed taking place.
So often in our lives, we look at ourselves and see areas that need improvement. At that point, we do one or two things. We change, or we don't.
I don't know how many times I've said I'm going to do this or that, or I will do this or that better or stop doing this, yet I remained the same.
I've heard it said that change is hard. Is it really? Maybe it is for some, and not so much for others.
I had a LONG conversation with three people, one lady around my age, my mom and my grandma.
It was so interesting to me how each person looked at change.
The lady that was close to my age kept saying change was hard for her. It's not that easy.
My mom and my grandma were on the same page with change, saying it's up to the person. If they want to change for the better, they will. If they want to remain the same, they will. You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do.
My grandma used the example of the smoker. No matter how much you preach to them, they ain't gonna stop unless they want to. They have to want it. You can't want it for them.
Everyone is different in what they think, how they feel. So in this situation, there isn't a right or a wrong answer, just how each individual handles it.
I can remember a time when someone made promises to me. The promise to change. They made it sound so good. Made me feel like it was all gonna be fine. I held on the their promises, waiting on the change. It didn't happen. Sure a few things here and there were done differently but only enough so that it could be said..hey I did change. This happened a few times, each time, I held on just hoping that this will really be it.
NOT SO MUCH.
There is only so much an individual can handle before they finally give up.
One of the hardest things to do, is step outside yourself and look at you. You might not like what you see. Have you been there? **RAISES HAND** I have. Still am sometimes.
I know I have become so comfortable in who I am, and doing things the way I want to do it, that when it's brought to my attention that I'm doing something wrong, I look at them with disgust. Because I KNOW I'm on it.*pops collar*
Once I get over myself and really look, I see that they actually had a valid point. I try to stop whatever it is right then. It does NOT always happen like that though.
One thing that is a "big" thing at my house, is my phone in my hand ALL THE TIME. That was THE hardest thing for me to change about myself. THE HARDEST.
LOL, now umm while I'm working on it still (because I DO have a crackberry lol) it's not nearly as bad as it was lol. I now know when its ok to have it and when its not lol. So it's not constantly in my hand lol.
All I had to do was stand in the other person's shoes and see what they saw. It wasn't pretty lol.
How do you handle change? When a loved one or close friend tells you they see something in you that isn't a good trait...how do you handle it?
Feel free to discuss :)
There is so much I could say today but I honestly don't know where to start.
I'm SO happy that my brother and I lived to see our 32nd birthday.
I'm blessed to have wonderful family, and friends.
I'm just thankful!!
One thing I REALLY learned this year, never take anyone for granted. Live, love and enjoy life. It's short!
The other day I was sitting down and all of a sudden my mind went to Patrick. The day he died. I don't know where the thoughts came from but they were there. It's been almost 6 months. It will be 6 months on my birthday. Not really even looking forward to my birthday this year, I mean I know it's a blessing but just not excited like I was. Maybe that's what started it? I don't know.
I remember being home. Up early on Saturday because I wanted to finish my zebra dress to wear to church the next day. I was about to season some fish so that it could just marinate all day and night. We were gonna have a fish fry for Patrick's birthday that Sunday after church.
I started sewing, hoping and praying that the machine wouldn't wake up the kids lol. Y'all know I love my quiet time. I called Tony at work around 545 6ish to say good morning and to let him know I was awake. He didn't answer so I figured he was busy. 5 or 10 minutes he called me back, he was at work but like I said, he was busy so he couldn't pick up.
Around 8 or so he called me back and told me he had to tell me something. It was kinda quiet in the background so I just assumed he outside. The alarms started flying when I heard a baby in the background. The only person I could think of was his mom and sisters. His sister has a small baby and I thought something had happened. I was NOT prepared for what he said next.
Adrienne, Patrick died this morning.
Now, I'm waiting. SERIOUSLY waiting on him to laugh and say he is kidding but it never came.
I did NOT believe him. I had JUST talked to Patrick, he was JUST over our house. He was JUST out with Tony the night before. It seriously couldn't be real.
I'll never forget the way I felt when I realized he wasn't joking. Never.
I know people deal with death and dying a lot. But I didn't grow up and see my friends constantly dying. So this was really hard. I've had realitives to die when I was younger but I was too young to understand. The ones I've lost that I remember, I haven't been close to. This was the first time, I can remember feeling this way and I'm almost 32.
I went to the funeral home to see him, before everyone else did. I was going to support someone else, so I actually got there before she did.
Walking in that room, seeing him from far off, just killed me inside. The closer I got to him, to see it was actually him, I lost it. Even though I initally cried, these were tears from somewhere else. I can't describe it. I'd never really gone to a wake before, but mom told me I needed to do it so I would be prepared for the funeral. I'm so glad I did.
It really took some convincing to talk Tony into going. He flat out refused. There was nothing i could do or say. He got a call from a REALLY close friend and they were able to tell him how much he needed to come and see him before the funeral. He still refused. He got another call that changed his mind. I don't know what they said or how it happened but it worked. I left to go pick him up and bring him back.
The look in his eyes when he saw Patrick still haunt me.
The funeral was at a huge church here and it was packed. Standing room only. It was such a beautiful sight to know that Patrick had touched so many lives. In the time that I have known Patrick (I met him in 1993 when I met Tony) I have only seen him mad/angry/upset ONCE and that was about a week before he died. He was such a great man.
I love him so much. I miss him even more.
I thought it would seem more real, more final after the funeral but it's not. It still doesn't seem like he is gone.
Sometimes when I'm downstairs, I can still see him sitting on the sofa, I can still hear him laugh, asking me what I cooked, looking at whatever I was sewing at the time. I can hear the kids getting excited when they see his truck pull up in the driveway. I can hear him and Tony talking about how they are gonna torture the girls dates when they start dating...that scene in Bad Boys II? Yep, that's them all day long. They have it memorized. I can remember them laughing till they couldn't breathe while watching "Life" or "The Water Boy" like they were watching it for the first time.
I don't know. This is like my therapy I guess. The tears flow freely. I don't try to stop them anymore when I miss him, when I think about him.
We had some friends over last weekend and it was the FIRST time, since he passed that I haven't been sad when they all came over. Sad because he wasn't physically here. Not that he wasn't missed, but it was, I don't know...peaceful.
I still have some of his clothes here, some papers I helped him fill out for school. His medicine bottle is still sitting next to my printer. I still have pics up, I still have memories.
I will always have memories.
I guess I'm done now. I feel better. I don't talk to everyone about him, I don't trust everyone like that. Those that are really close to me know when I'm really hurting and missing him. My heart isn't as heavy. I love him, I miss him and he will forever be in my heart.
I'm not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be. Right now this is my prayer..... If you have five minutes....listen to the words, hopefully it will bless you too.
Speak to my heart, Holy Spirit
Give me the words that will bring new life
Words on the wings of the morning
the dark night will fade away
If you speak to my heart
Speak to my heart, Holy Spirit
Message of love to encourage me
Lifting my heart from despair
How you loved me and cared for me
If speak to my Heart
Speak to my Heart Lord
Give me your Holy Word
If I can hear from you,then I'll know what to do
I won't go alone, I'll never go on my own
Just let your Spirit guide and let your word abide
Speak to my Heart
My kids have had a hard time dealing with Pat's death. Well, we all have but it has been REALLY hard for them.
Some of you emailed me some great suggestions on ways to help them cope.
We managed to get it done JUST in time for a REALLY good watering lol. Rain that is lol.
Aj picked out the flower pot, Jaelyn picked out the Kim's Knee High Coneflowers, and Kayla picked out Garden Spice Carnations.
Tony paid for it lol.
We got perennials so HOPEFULLY they will come back every year lol. IF NOT, we will plant flowers for Patrick every Memorial day. Y'all KNOW I'm not good with living green stuff lol.
I caught the kids peeking out at the flowers all evening. Then Aj said he is always gonna be with us, and he smiled and went upstairs.
That made my heart smile.
So thanks to you all for the great suggestions. I would have never came up with it.
You guys are great!
He was baptized on May 3rd.
They grow up so fast. I just want to teach them the right things so they are ready to go into the world when the time comes.
There are not many words right now that can express how thankful our family is for your kind, kind words.
This is probably the first time that I haven't replied to all my comments, but I just can't. Tony and I read each and every one of them.
THank you for all the emails, text messages, cards and phone calls. It really meant a lot to us.
Even though the funeral is over, it's still hard to believe. I don't know. We have never lost anyone that was THIS close to us. This is still hard and we still miss Pat and love him dearly.
The services yesterday were just beautiful. Simply beautiful!
Anyway, I have a lot to share so hopefully I will get on the ball soon with my blogging lol.
Who knew, there could be so much love in internet land. You guys are great.
EVERYONE knows what W.I.P is....just in case you don't, it stands for:
We have adopted this as our song and we plan on staying in love! Just listen to those words. I ALMOST put this on auto play lol.
How about a few Anniversaries of the past? LOL
2008 We had a really great time on our first cruise together! 11 years is a LONG time to be married!!! CELEBRATE!!!
2007 We started a tradition this year for our anniversary. Going on a Trip EVERY year without the kids. We kicked it off with THIS TRIP. Our schedules were so crazy in Feb that we couldn't go until April! LOL We NEVER went on a honeymoon. We got married so young, and Jaelyn was almost a year old lol. We just couldn't afford it. Time is a wonderful thing! LOL
WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 12 YEARS TODAY.
It hasn't been easy but it's been worth it.
Marriage is work. You get out what you put in.
I'm no expert and Lord KNOWS I have made many mistakes, but I have learned from them.
We are closer now than we have ever been.
We both still have issues but hey...that comes with it lol.
Some days I want to be all up under him and don't want to give him room to breathe.
Some days I want to choke the shit out of him, as I am SURE he has days he wants to strangle me! LOL
I love him. He is mine. He loves me. I am his. FLAWS AND ALL.
I can't wait to spend the rest of my days with this man.
*MUAH* Love you babe!
Have you ever just sat back and started to think? I don't know if it is the new year approaching or what, but I've been doing a LOT of thinking.
I'm proud of myself for the accomplishments I've made, and I can kick myself for some of the dumb stuff that I've done.
I'm normally not one to have regrets, but I do have a few. I know I can't do anything to change them but sometimes they kinda linger....you know, the "what if's".
I had a SERIOUS case of the what if's the other day and it about drove me crazy. It actually drove me to tears.
I have some things that I have been holding on to that I seriously need to let go of. It's hindering my growth as a wife, a mother, a person.
I took time and wrote down everything I was holding on to. I honestly didn't realize it was so much. It kinda hurt me as I wrote all this stuff down.I cried and cried, then I cried some more. It was like I was bearing my soul. I was purging.
The animosity, the jealousy, even down to hatred. I was holding on to some serious stuff.
As I wrote it all down, I cried. It hurt. It had become my clutch. Almost like my security blanket of sorts. As long as I was holding on to this STUFF I would ALWAYS have an excuse to feel the way I did. I think I liked the excuse. I know I did. It was my comfort zone.
I asked Tony if he had anything he was holding on to that he needed to let go of. He said yes. He wrote his list. I didn't look at his, he didn't look at mine.
We took our paper and set it on fire.
As it burned he asked me why I was crying. I told him I felt like a burden had been lifted. It was almost like it was a burden I didn't even realize I was carrying because I had become so used to the weight.
I can't tell you how much better I feel. I'm normally all happy go lucky, but I have my sad days too. I just try to find the best in them. It doesn't always happen but I try.
I know I am rambling but blogging is my therapy lol. WHY am I putting it out there? Y'all already know. Putting it out there might help SOMEONE who has been holding on to something they need to let go of.
I'm not therapist, or some psychology expert but I'm human. I live and I learn and I tell it. Maybe not all in great detail but I will tell it because I want someone to learn from my mistakes and not make the same ones I have.
So if you have something you have been holding on to, let it go. Is it really worth your happiness? Your peace of mind? Let it go.
I keep saying it...I feel it...I BELIEVE It...
2009 IS GOING TO BE THE BEST YEAR YET FOR ME AND MY FAMILY!
Sometimes in life you go through things that aren't very pleasant....
Hell...they are just downright BAD lol, and you are jussssssssssst about ready to just say forget it. Then you get an email from a trusted friend and say you know what?? You are right. You go through it and HOPE that one day the sun will shine again.
If it's raining in your life right now....hang on in there. The sun WILL shine again.
The sun is shining in my life right now. I am going to enjoy it!
Tony normally leaves for work a little after 3am. NORMALLY I am KNOCKED out when he leaves and this morning was no exception.
He called me this morning around 3:30-ish telling me he had been involved in an accident and to come and get him. I was half asleep/groggy when he called so I had to make sure I heard him right. He told me where he was and told me he was okay. I got the kids up and left.
The closer I got to the accident I saw all the police cars and ambulances and I tried my best to hold my tears at bay.
It could have been so much worse. I had to keep myself calm (everything in me wanted to panic) so the kids would stay calm.
He was a little cut up and bloody but other than that okay.
*sigh* I don't know what is going on with my family but keep us ALL in your prayers.
Ever have so much to say you don't know where to start? That's how I feel right now.
Ya'll already know Aleida's death really messed me up. Her funeral was Friday and I read her obituary and was just sad again. Then I was happy that I was able to know her as well as I did. I remembered her laugh and how silly she was when we were on the phone lol. I was going through my email and found some that we recently shared. I marked them as important so they won't get deleted. I have our memories.
Stuff happens SO fast in life. I was on the phone with Stacey today when my mom called telling me about some new shoes she had just gotten from the galleria...not long after that I got word that she had been in an accident. She is fine but it could have been worse.
I've thought about the relationships I've had with SO CALLED friends. Life is too short for funny actin folks. I do not have time. I've learned a lot. I've had relationships that took a wrong turn because of mis-communication. I've had to go back and get some things straightened out. Those friendships that were REALLY true....you can work that stuff out.
Be sure to tell your people that you love them and appreciate them. Always. Don't take people for granted. They can quickly be taken away.
I guess I'm just rambling right now.
Anyway, I'm on a fabric diet until JAN 1 2009. I will NOT buy a single piece of fabric until then....
EXCEPTIONS lol because you KNOW there has to be some lol
Vacation fabric does NOT count lol. I have one trip planned in a few weeks and I will of course visit a fabric store and bring something home lol. I will NOT however get any fabric when I go back to ATL in a couple weeks.... I WILL NOT GO IN GAIL K lol.
I CAN do this lol. I found a bag of fabric I forgot I had lol. Time for an intervention lol.
I think I have enough lining fabric so I won't have to buy that. Outside of notions I think I'm good. LOL we will see.
Ok, that's it. I'm rambling. Hope you guys had a great day.
ARE YOU READY FOR HEROES?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
I AM! WOO HOOOOOO!!! Great TV this week!
Today I did some volunteer work at one of the shelters that they have set up for Hurricane Gustav evacuees.
I've never done any volunteer work with the red cross before but today will not be the last time.
I've always seen stuff like this on tv and honestly it never crossed my mind. I don't have the time you know? That will NEVER be my outlook. NEVER again. I don't think I have ever seen people SO thankful to have somewhere to stay. They were at the complete mercy of strangers. People they may never ever see again.
It was a LOT of work. But I loved every minute of it.
The kids got to go for a little while and help (really had to pull some strings and explain why I wanted them to be there) and they GOT IT. They understand how blessed they are.
Aj was looking for the bathtubs.....there aren't any.
Kayla wanted to know why they had garbage bags......to hold the stuff they brought with them.
Jaelyn cried when one older lady told her how they didn't leave when Katrina hit and all she had was the filthy clothes on her back.
I'm glad I made the decision to take them with me. I'll be looking for more volunteer work to do, and I want the kids to be involved too. They might be small but they can help.
At one point, Aj just started giving people hugs and smiling that toothless grin lol. He seems to favor older women with grey hair lol and they seemed to like him too ;-)
When we came home, there wasn't any of the usual bickering that I normally hear...they want to go help tomorrow. Jaelyn and Kayla washed dishes together, no fighting. Aj picked up his toys off his floor and asked me if we could take them to the little boy in the big room (he called the shelter the big room because it didn't have doors I was at the BJCC for those of you local).
My heart is full today. I'm glad they got to go, and I'm glad I was able to help. It may have only been for a few hours and for one day, but it certainly won't be the last.
Ok, I guess it's time for an update. Where do I start??? LOL
Last Friday Aj "graduated" from Kindergarten! Awwww lol
His proud dad lol
That's my babbbbbbby lol. I've been rocking a pony tail all week lol.
*sidenote* I REALLY want to cut my hair off lol. like OFF, like O-F-F lol. We will see lol.
I love his shirt:
And one for Virginia lol :-)
Last Saturday Kayla had her final baton performance lol. She did SOOOOO good.
I caught her yapping....lol
Check out that hip action lol:
She didn't even drop her baton!
She loves her pictures lol:
I love this pic...If you are wondering about the black and blue bruise on her head...she fell off the monkey bars at school and hit her face...ON THE MONKEY BARS lol, yeah the DAY before her recital lol. That's my girl lol
So....how about some sewing lol...
I finished the skirt and sleeveless blouse last week.
I am ALMOST finished with my jacket/blouse. I have to hem it. I am TOTALLY in love with this jacket/blouse. LOVE the puff sleeve!!!! OMG. Yep...LOVE lol.
I HOPE to start on my pants tomorrow and HOPEFULLY be finished with all my reviews and pictures by MONDAY NIGHT! LOL That means I need to take pictures MONDAY...hmm we will see lol
I started going through my patterns earlier....I got distracted lol. Need to get back on track lol
Ok, that is IT! Hope you all are having a WONDERFUL NIGHT! I think I'm going to turn in early tonight! LOL