If you have a minute, listen to this song.
I've been hurting something awful. Not physically, but emotionally.
I've been on the verge of making my blog private. I've been on the verge of ending friendships. I've been on the verge of really cutting people off.
Not because they are blad influences, but because I allowed someone to hurt me to my very core.
For a while I didn't think they did it ON purpose, but it was purposely done. If that makes ANY sense?
I cried for days and days and days.
I didn't want to be close to ANYONE anymore. AT ALL. PERIOD.
I have some plans coming up and I was ready to cancel them. Like, take a loss on the money paid, pay them back and just cancel. Seriously.
God let me know that isn't the thing to do.
He let me know I have to stop trying to "fix" it and just let Him handle it.
He let me know I had to stop trying to "do" it myself.
As the tears flow, I'm letting go. Taking my hands off the situation and moving on.
I'm not one that has ever battled with depression, but I do believe I was VERY close. I had NO peace, I had periods of happiness but NO joy. NONE. I pulled away from EVERYONE. No need to bring them down because I was in a funk.
I wasn't eating right, not sleeping well, trying to trust God but didn't know how.
Trying to take my hands off of it but not realizing how.
Not only was this bothering me emotionally, it was tearing me up spiritually. Now we have a spiritual battle on my hands. Not wanting to praise God, not wanting to worship Him, not wanting to talk to Him at all.
I realize now HOW to let go.
I realize now it's NOT my battle to fight.
I realize I have to praise and worship Him PAST my feelings.
I realize that He can handle any situation better than I ever could.
He has shown me how to pray about it.
I don't have to say anything to anyone OTHER than Him.
This was EYE OPENING for me.
Eye opening and heart breaking.
When I finish this post, my hands will be off of it.
I'm going to continue to move past the hurt and the pain.
I'm going to move on realizing that you do indeed reap what you sow. It might not come back the exact way you put it out but it is coming back.
I don't know how long this will sit in my drafts, but when the time is right I'll post it.
I'll no longer allow hurt to keep me from being a blessing to someone else. THAT is a trick of the enemy.
I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!