FRIENDS
Over the past few years (really the past 8 or 9 years) I have always been surrounded with "friends".
I always thought I had to be around a bunch of people to be happy, so I was ALWAYS around a bunch of people. I knew folks from everywhere and was ALWAYS talking to someone.
That got me into some trouble. Trouble I didn't see coming, but trouble Tony saw coming a MILE away. I ignored him. I kept thinking, dang, dude just doesn't want me to have ANY friends. BOY was I wrong.
It had gotten to a point where Tony would warn me EVERY time I introduced him to a "new friend". I was living the high life, but my marriage was failing.
You see, Tony can "see" people. Like forreal. Don't think you are gonna pull one over on him. He can tell right off if you are up to no good or not. He has ALWAYS been like that. ALWAYS. Now, when he tells me about someone, I listen. I've learned the hard way. I'm through with that test.
We went through some VERY rough times. REAL rough. Like ready to throw in the towel rough. We got through it. Thankfully.
I thought I was good. I thought I was over the friend thing. NOT.
What I've learned is that you will take the SAME EXACT TEST until you pass it.
I make "friends" really quick. I click with a lot of people instantly and that isn't always a good thing.
When I think back over these past years and all of these past friendships, my heart will start to get heavy. WHY? Because there were SO many different people in my life. Some we just lost touch, some friendships grew apart, others were ended and they ended bad.
Then I start to REALLY think about these people that have been in my life. Some were in it for one reason or another, some for a "season". I think about the good times, the bad times, and where things went wrong.
I think about all the lessons I've learned, and boy have I learned a LOT of lessons.
One of the most important lessons I've learned is HOW TO BE A FRIEND.
I have NOT always been a good friend. I've done things I'm ashamed of, said things I shouldn't have said and gone places that I had NO business going.
I think God allowed me to go through the things I've gone through concerning my friends so I could REALLY learn to be a GOOD friend.
When I gave my life back to God in January, I had to let go of a LOT of people. It wasn't because I didn't care about them or thought I was better than them, it was because I just couldn't be in a friendship where I wasn't being a blessing to someone OR if that person wasn't being a blessing to me.
Now, hopefully that doesn't come off as selfish, but I can't be around people who are always bringing me down. I know we all have our "moments" but that's all that they should be, moments. Moments SHOULDN'T be an everyday thing (IMO).
I didn't feel bad about my decision, but at times I wondered if I was doing the right thing and EVERYTIME I would wonder that, God would confirm it for me.
For WEEKS after we joined our new church home, someone was ALWAYS talking about friends, and how you just can't hang out with everyone. WEEKS. WEEKSSSSS!! I was like ok God, I hear you, and I stood firm on my decisions.
I made a vow when we got to our new church, I was going to Praise and Worship my God, and hear the Word. I was NOT going to make friends. I didn't NOT want to make friends based on someones apperance (because let's face it, that's all you see at first). I told God, my purpose was to serve Him. "IF" I made a friend along the way, fine, but I specifically asked Him to place people in my life who were good for me, and people who I could be good for.
No more dead weight. NONE.
No more takers. NONE.
ONLY people who would be a blessing and people I could be a blessing to.
God has indeed started to place those people in my life. I appreciate what He is doing, but I'm thankful that He trusts me enough to have a REAL friend. To BE a real friend.
I've messed over so many friendships in the past, I now know how to appreciate a friend. I know how to BE a friend. I know how to be a wife AND a friend. Things I had NO idea about before. That is why my marriage suffered. I would put my friends BEFORE my husband.
BIG HUGE NO -NO. But yep, I did. (dumb huh? lol) Had some reallllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyy not so good days lol.
I'm thankful that God kept His hands on my marriage. Even through all my junk. Don't get it twisted, Tony hasn't been a Saint, but this ain't about him. It's about ME and MY junk.
Tears fill my eyes because I feel a release. One that's I've been praying about since January. I've needed to truly let go of something and it's finally happening. I thank God for it. I truly do.
I no longer need to be around everyone all the time. I no longer need to be around "everyone". The people I need to be around live in the same house as me.
Now that doesn't mean that I don't go out and have a good time. I do. WITHOUT the folks that live in this house lol. I need that. Shoot, we ALL need that, but that "need" for everyone is gone.
God has filled my life with SO much.
That "need" for people has turned into a "need" for prayer and a "need" to read God's Word. That not only benefits me, but it benefits those that God has placed in my life. It benefits those people I will cross paths with on a daily basis. It benefits those who call/email/text/facebook/tweet me needing some advice or asking me to pray for them.
I don't have many people I talk to on a daily basis. THREE that are constant. ONE of those people I don't live with but love her dearly. We both know that God placed us in each others lives at the right time. She has told me what her reason for being in my life is(said she got real nosy and started asking God all kind of questions about me lol) , and she has told me why she believes I'm in her life but I know ONE reason God placed her in my life is because He can now trust me with HIS people.
That means a lot to me. A WHOLE lot.
That's all I have for today lol. My heart is so full because God has answered my prayer. I'm free from it now and for that I am thankful.
I'm not perfect, just striving to be the woman God wants me to be. Keeping my life lined up with the WORD!
Great post! Glad to see you're on this path. Many Blessings on your walk with the Lord.
Posted by: Marcia | July 25, 2011 at 02:28 AM
Whew...this post brought tears to my eyes..beautiful post and SO very true!
Posted by: mzinspiredmind | July 25, 2011 at 07:51 AM
Another great post! God will answer all your question all we have to do is trust what he says to us. God bless! :)
Posted by: Jada | July 25, 2011 at 08:41 AM
I'm so genuinely happy for you. People can be as addictive as drugs and alcohol.
Posted by: Erica B. | July 25, 2011 at 11:14 AM
Your Soul Food walks with God are soooo beautiful! I know they are for you but you are blessing us/me as well. Nothing but blessings to you and your gorgeous family Adrienne!
Posted by: Bunny | July 25, 2011 at 12:43 PM
I think this it the hardest thing many people continue to struggle with: knowing when to let people go and when to cling on for dear life. I'm happy that you've been about to figure out the two. You are too wonderful of a person to deal with foolishness but there would be no testimony without it.
Posted by: Monique | July 25, 2011 at 02:24 PM
Beautiful post Adrienne. I am enjoying your Soul Food walks with God. God's divine order(IMHO): God first, husband second, family third, friends fourth. It is a joy and a blessing to me to see your growth in God and striving to be what the Lord would have you to be. And what a blessing that your entire family is on this journey together. I, like you, am not perfect but doing my best each day to stay in God's will. Be blessed.
Posted by: Patricia Richardson | July 25, 2011 at 02:29 PM
Okay this post right here has me in tears.
ONLY people who would be a blessing and people I could be a blessing to. ----> This Right here is the truth.
Posted by: Moe | July 25, 2011 at 02:31 PM
Good for you, Adrienne! For having standards, and living up to them.
It's hard to do, but something I strive for in my life as well.
I love always reading someone with a positive spin on things....
Posted by: Chelle | July 25, 2011 at 02:58 PM
WOW! God is up to something and based on this post it's AWESOME!.
I too am in tears; please continue to seek God with your whole heart and share His love. As you are being blessed, in turn you are blessing to this blog community.
Posted by: Roxann | July 25, 2011 at 04:16 PM
Thank you for your honesty and for sharing something so deep and close to your heart. Friendships can be wonderful and a lot of work at times.
Its so hard when you are in a different place then your friends are. That is one thing that I struggle with.
Great post!
Posted by: kim | July 25, 2011 at 07:51 PM
Your honesty is SO refreshing. You have one of the purest hearts. Thanks for sharing and I'm so thankful for your journey. I'm on the opposite scale and in my own way kinda like Tony. I'm intuitive about people and have always been somewhat of an introvert. But God's teaching me how to open my heart more and more to others. God knows what our issues are and aims to give us wholeness as we focus directly on him! Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Victoria Baylor | July 25, 2011 at 07:58 PM
I loved this post...
As I get older, I am asking myself questions: Am I taking advantage of them, or am I GIVING them the advantage? Am I being an asset or liability? That is what is key.
Like you, if I'm not being a blessing, and you're not being a blessing to me... it is hard... and it's probably not producing fruit, which means it has no foundation and will not last.
An interesting screen to filter my relationships/friendships through. But more vital than ever these days. I need good quality friends, and I need to be a good quality friend.
Posted by: LadyLee | July 25, 2011 at 09:32 PM
Thanks, Adrienne! I've been thinking that I don't have any friends around my age (mid-thirties) that I can call to really talk about God, His goodness, challenges I face as a Christian woman or even a prayer partner. It saddens me at times, but I'm praying that God will send some people that can help to enrich my spiritual walk. Thanks again and be blessed!
Posted by: Lori | July 25, 2011 at 10:40 PM
Love what God is doing in your life!
Posted by: NON-Superwoman | July 26, 2011 at 12:05 AM
Goodness you and LadyLee are telling it like it is today. One of my first statements this morning on Twitter was "yall write some blogs so I can have something to read today" and yall certainly did.
Posted by: ThisOneWoman | July 26, 2011 at 01:11 AM
A very thoughtful, transparent, and encouraging post. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Shannon | July 26, 2011 at 01:27 AM
Your life WILL change when you start walking with God and after the things of His heart. People will get weeded out and brought in. One thing I am so thankful is the ability to gracefully welcome people into and out of my life.
Posted by: TJ | July 26, 2011 at 02:23 PM
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Posted by: Lynn | July 26, 2011 at 06:10 PM
Great post! Sometimes being surrounded by a bunch of people can really cloud your vision and what's important to you. And people with really strong personalities can drown out your inner voice, until all you hear is THEIRS.
Posted by: toni | July 27, 2011 at 02:50 PM
"It wasn't because I didn't care about them or thought I was better than them, it was because I just couldn't be in a friendship where I wasn't being a blessing to someone OR if that person wasn't being a blessing to me."
Yes, yes. Speak it!
Posted by: orchidophile | July 27, 2011 at 06:42 PM
Your post brought tears to my eyes as well. I have experienced some of the same issues you have regarding "friends". I'm glad your marriage has weathered this storm and I pray that God continues to bless your marriage. With all best wishes.
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