The post I didn't want to write.....(health update)

*sigh*
Well, I got all my test results back from my doctor and the cancer is still there. We thought that after the first surgery I had, everything would be gone. Umm, not so much.

I have very good doctors. I mean REALLY GOOD DOCTORS. As in, here is my cell phone and home number if you have any questions call me good. That is almost unheard of.

My doctor gave me a few options as far as treatment goes, and after much prayer and talking with my husband and my mom and dad, I opted to go with External Radiation.

It was suggested because the cells have not spread beyond my cervix, and it's early stage cervical cancer so it's used as an alternative to surgery.

External radiation is given by machine, kinda like an x-ray machine. It DOES NOT HURT. At all.

Initially, they suggested that I go to have treatment three times a week for three weeks, then twice a week for four weeks. When I got there yesterday, since the cancer DOES NOT SEEM TO BE SPREADING, they want me to go everyday for THREE WEEKS!!

The reasons I opted for this treatment:

1. I can still do the things I normally do.
2. It is just as effective as having surgery.
3. I am honestly just scared to have surgery. (long story lol)

So there you have it. I had my first treatment yesterday and I was fine. I was a little tired and had no desire to eat anything, but that was it, but I think that was mainly due to my nerves.

I had a mild panic attack Saturday night/ Sunday morning, but after I talked to my good friend, she helped me understand that it was normal to be scared. MORTIFIED was more like it lol.

I am trying to keep a positive outlook on everything, because it could ALWAYS be so much worse.

I can't begin to tell you guys how thankful I am for you all, and my family.

Ok, so that is it lol.  I'll have a super long update Wednesday, there will be another interview (audio this time) ,I've been scrapping, making cards with my "scraps" organizing and purging like crazy (that was Saturday and Sunday) lol, I honestly thought that once I started the treatments, I  was not going to make it, so I had to have everything in order. I had already willed away my fabric. LOL. SERIOUSLY. When I say I had panic attacks, I REALLY mean that. But that is just being real lol. I was SCARED. I'm still scared, but I know I'll be okay...does that make sense? LOL

Thanks again for EVERYTHING!

Toodles!

Comments

[meg]

Well, that is not the greatest news but it sounds like positive treatment and it is also a bonus that you can get away with not having surgery, always a good thing. I know you will make a full recovery and am thinking of you. You are one lucky girl to have such a great family support system. Good vibes coming your way girl! :)

[christina]

Adrienne, I am so sorry to hear the cancer isn't gone. Yet! You have so many things going for you - you are young and otherwise healthy, you have great friends and family and diverse interests that motivate you - I am confident you will beat this.

[Maria]

Adrienne, my friend, all my prayers are with you. I know in my heart you'll beat this. So sorry to read these news...but glad to read there is a better option than surgery, that you are in good hands (good doctors are angels on earth) and specially to read that you are keeping positive through this. Hugs to you, love you.

[Ronalyn Barut]

Oh girl.. I had no idea.. :0 You are in my thoughts.. for sure, my heart, and my prayers.

You are such a strong and positive person. I know with the help of loved ones all around you, you will get through this.

No words.. just lots of *hugs* your way.

Thinking of you girl

Love ya!
Ronalyn

[Isabelle]

Adrienne, I am so sorry... You are a strong woman and a LOVED woman. However difficult and scary the situation may be right now, you will beat this! You will.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Sending lots of good vibes your way!!

[shorty]

I have not commented but LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog and your sweet personality (as much as I get over a flat screen!hehe) I just had to tell you that I will be praying for you! I don't just say that, I will pray. God Bless
Shorty

[Tany]

My very dear friend, you are in my prayers and you'll be in them until you win this battle. It's normal to be afraid; it's normal to feel desperate; but remember you are not alone: you have a wonderful family and a bunch of good friends to back you up, cheer you up and be there for you. (((HUGS)))

[vicki]

Oh Adrienne! I wish I could give you a big hug! My thoughts and prayers are with you. And you have every right to be scared. It is your body and no matter how much the doctors reassure you it will be all good in the end you still have to go through this. So, wishing you every success in your treatment and a speedy recovery XXXOOO

[Lynne Nelson-Berg]

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

You are in my prayers and in my thoughts. Looking forward to wednesdays blog entry! Keep your chin up.

[gold]

I will be praying for you!God is there for you.

[Shannon]

Oh course you're scared - I'd be terrified too, but it sounds like you have the best care, have choosen the most appropriate treatment and have a wonderful support system of friends and family. All that has to add up to a happy ending. You will be in my thoughts for the next few weeks, until you get a clean bill of health.

[Stacey_CrimsonPurl]

You definitely live by your blog title. I really appreciate you always keeping it real. You are always still in my prayers and call the celly and house # too gurl if you need too!!!!! I am SO there!

[Lisette]

Dear Adrienne,
I'm sorry to hear that your surgery did not take care of the problem. Of course you're scared! But it seems you have great doctors, you can count on the support of family and friends. I'm sure you will come out with a clean bill of health. Keep your spirits up and keep busy, an upbeat attitude has proven to be the best medicine.
Hugs,
Lisette

[Madelyn]

It's perfectly normal to be afraid. I will keep you in my prayers.

[kae]

I really do wish you the best with your treatment, and it's perfectly normal to be scared. My mother had cancer, and I always marvelled at how she never once complained or showed she was scared, but I wish that she had shared it with us so that we could help out a bit more. Surround yourself with lots of friends and support - it's what gets you through it! :)

[Lovely]

You willed the fabric??? WOW!! :) That's my girl!

Just take it one day at a time and love on your family everyday!

[carmell]

wow... stay strong mama. be prayerful. and keep your head up. you and your family are in my thoughts.

[Knitterella]

Just popping in and I'm so so sorry to hear that you have cancer. My gosh, I sure hope you are OK. You are in my thoughts and I pray your treatment will take care of everything. Be strong.

[Shaquanna]

I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Erica C.]

Know that you are in my prayers. You have a lot of people who loves you.......WE LOVE YOU!!!

[tlewis]

My prayers are with you as you go through this difficult time. I have every faith that everything will work out fine. Stay positive and know that we are sending prayers up in your name. Be blessed.

[Bonnie]

Thinking positive thoughts for you. You sound like you have a great attitude. The next few weeks will be rough with the daily treatments. Hang in there and lean on everybody that you can!

[Cynta]

Adrienne I am praying for your strength and peace through out this whole oredeal...

[Ericka]

Adrienne, I am praying for you and your family's strength through this. Just remember, this is a test of faith. We have to rebuke that cancer, in the name of Jesus. God is going to manifest healing in you. Hold on to your faith; you can trust in Him. God bless you always!
Ericka

[Virginia]

Oh my gosh, HUGS girl. I am right there with you, I would be petrified. I am praying for you. PLEASE let me know if there's anything you need (besides the MM noteworthy stuff ;) - which I've been keeping my eyes peeled for!). I lub you!

[Gary]

I'm sooooo sorry!!! Remember we are next door if there is anything you need! Keep the kids, meals, anything....

[Toby Wollin]

Adrienne - I've been a lurker for a long time but have been following your health saga. I just had a hysterectomy a week ago, so I am with you girl on the whole "do not want surgery" thing. Understandable.
This is really scary - all of us here are standing with you sending you healing thoughts and prayers. This IS good news - it's contained and they are throwing a whole lotta stuff at it to kill it off. Feel confident that all that CAN be done IS being done and spend some time watching some very funny movies and spending good time with your family. Laugh a lot - it's good medicine.

[Christina]

I am most happy you have a wonderful group of doctors. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I will keep praying for you and the family. "God is Able" Adrienne, I really believe that. :+)

[Jackie]

Adrienne, I'm so sorry to hear that the cancer is not gone. You are always so positive and encouraging to all of us! I will continue to pray for your healing and good health.

[Berry]

Adrienne, keep strong and positive in this adversity. You will get rid of cancer. Can't wait to read a positive health update from you, in the meantime, I keep you and your family in my thoughts and pray for your full recovery.

[Julie]

I am glad you have such great doctors! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

[cheryl]

Hey Adrienne!!!! I am so sorry to hear this news, BUT...it actually sounds very POSITIVE to me and I just know that the treatments you are doing are going to take care of it all!!! I just BELIEVE it, you know?
I am praying right now and I am putting you on my Sunday School/ church friends prayer list (if that's okay with you?).
And...we need to SCRAP soon!!! (I completely forgot about maybe doing it this past Saturday because everything was crazy busy!!!! So, let's find another time soon!! I need to get a lot done!!)
And, I second what Gary said...I can pick up the kids from school ANY TIME you need me to. Just call me on my cell and let me know!

[Jude]

Oh my goodness Adrienne... I am going to be praying for you DAILY and I mean that. You are such a survivor and I know you will beat this. If you need ANYTHING at all holler okay. Sending you tons of love and hugs, and your family too. I love you Wonder Woman... stay strong.

[dawn]

Adrienne you'll be in my prayers. Your attitude is inspiring and will go a long way towards your soon and thorough recovery. Best...dawn

[greta adams]

oh adrienne....if you need a good laugh you know you can always count on me....

i think everyone else summed up what i wanted to say so i will not repeat it...HOWEVER....you are a strong person and you will overcome this yuck stuff we call cancer.... i despise that word and it gives me the chills to think about it....

i love you girl...and call me....
get some rest! You need to slow down for a day and just take a break...

**MUAH**

[Melanie]

********BIG WARM SQUISHY HUGS***********

I know you're freaking out, but stay strong, cause you'll come out of this even stronger! We're all energetically holding your hand!

[Stephanie]

Adrienne, stay positive. You will get through this.

[Diana]

I would be a wreck too! I am not a fan of needles or hospitals or doctors offices. I give you a lot of credit. It is totally fine to be scared and to have your feelings about this...that is what makes you human! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself....that is the most important thing! You are one tough cookie!

[jillian]

Oh nooooo...oh no. The worst news. You have every right to be scared out of your wits! I certainly would be. Take it one day at a time :)

[Cassandra Jordan]

Adrienne,

You know you are always in my prayers. I am glad you let us know your status and I am sure you will be fine.

God Bless you!

[Lashell]

A,

I am so sorry to hear that the cancer is not gone, but happy to see despite your fear you keep a positive attitude and because of that you will beat this. You don't know how much you make people's day through your blog with your affectious personality so I am sending happy vibes your way.

[Carla]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Here's to trouble free and successful treatments for the next 3 weeks. Hang in there!

Much love,
Carla

[Kammie-The Candle Girl]

That sucks, BUT you of all people will beat this! You have been an inspiration to all of us and you know with all of our thoughts and prayer you will win this battle.

Read "90 minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper and he will prove to you that prayer from your friends and congregation will help you heal. Miracles can and do happen.

Lighting a GC pomegrante candle in your honor!

[Bobbi]

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[kristi sauer]

Scary stuff, I am pulling and praying for ya, honey. Lets hope this less-evasive treatment works :)

[jen]

one thing that helps me with panic attacks is to invite the fear in instead of fighting it, then it seems to lose its grip on me. I'll sit in a chair, feel the support on my back and legs and say to panic/fear "come on in". I knwo it sounds bizarre, but it really helps me. Also, jumping jacks or a fast walk around the block, helps burn up that extra adrenlin and distracts me. Hope this helps.

[Jeanine]

So very sorry to hear that. I'm glad to hear you have a positive outlook. Sending LOTS of hugs your way.

[Jackie Fisher]

Adrienne, sending up prayers for your continued strength and peace during this time.

[shai]

My prayers go out to you and your family.

[Charisse]

Do you know how much I love your strength? Girl, I don't know the stress but I feel your panic and I want to tell you that I KNOW that it will all work out fine and you will do well! Those treatments will just slow you down a bit but won't stop your spirit! I love you girl and can't wait to see you when you come to NYC!

[Trina]

Adrienne I seriously don't know what to say right now. My head is full of thoughts but I can't form them into words at the moment. Know that I am praying for you and your family. God bless

[Pam]

I'm sorry to hear this news but I KNOW you'll beat this. You're still in my prayers daily. God Bless and BIG HUGS!!

[mimi goodwin]

I dont have words for you, I know you will be ok and I will pray fro you everyday until it is gone. It's ok to be scared but know that you will be ok and that this will just be a story you tell your grandkids. Love you!

[robin]

We've talked a bit about this, so you know that I have such a positive feeling that you are going to get through this, better than ever. You have a strong faith and that is going to help pull you through this. I will be praying for you too. HUGS!!!!!

[Patricia Richardson]

My dear Adrienne, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Remember, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you because the battle is not yours but the Lords. Keep your hand in His hand and know that this is just a test so that you can have a testimony about His goodness and His mercy. God bless and be with you.

[Barbara Ashe]

Earnest, honest prayer for you. You'll be just fine.
From your biggest Florida fan,
Barbara

[erica b.]

Why is this just popping up in Google reader???

Don't be trying to give stuff away! You are going to be just find! No start singing "Imma a survivor..."!

[luckee]

Adrienne, I am so sorry to hear this news. I check in on your blog from time to time, because you and your family seem so sweet and loving. Know that in this time, you have such a strong and supportive family to help get you through this. Stay in prayer and keep that positive attitude and all will be well. You and yours will be in all of our prayers!

[nik]

you'll get through this. I am really happy to know that the cancer hasn't spread, which will allow the therapy to be more effective. You're in my prayers, girlie. You and you family.

[The NON-Superwoman]

The good news--it's in the early stages and you can still get treatment! Stay encouraged, praying that all the cancer will be eradicated. God bless you!

[Solidia]

Adrienne, please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. You are a strong praying woman and I know you can make it through this!

[nowaks nähkästchen]

There is nothing I could add... still... you have every right to be scared, even the strong and positive like you have that right!

I'll pray for you.

[Sheree]

We'll keep you in our thoughts and prayers. I'm going to add you to our prayer circle at church if that's ok.

((((Adrienne))))

[Melanie Smith]

I will keep you in my prayers....

Take care!

[Andrea]

Hey girl,

Sorry to hear about what's going on. You know you and your family are in my prayers, and you will definitely beat this. Remember Psalm 23, and to trust in the Lord, he will guide you through.

[Tasha]

Keeping you in my prayers. The treatment sounds super effective and your'e a strong cookie so I know it will all work out.

[Janimé]

Adrienne - sorry to hear the news. I know your positive attitude and outlook on life will carry you through this. I'll be sending good thoughts your way.

[Jeanette]

I'm thinking 'bout you. Thank goodness for options and great doctors. :)

[DisneyCyndi]

Ok, somehow or other I missed this ( or my mind hasn't been registering much in the last few days ). I will be keeping you in my prayers. Remember who is on your side and what amazing things he can do for us. I will be checking in on you.

[leslie]

adrienne, i can only imagine that you would be afraid. my thoughts and prayers are with you!!

[Sandra]

I pray that you make a full recovery, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Wishing you and your family a wonderful, safe holiday season.

[Sharon]

Hi Adrienne:
I come over to your blog occasionally to smile and chuckle at your latest entries :-) You always make me laugh and you're still at it in spite of the not-so-good news :-) My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you're stressin' but I think you have a great mindset and great support system. I hope it goes well and wish you the very best and speedy recovery!!

[narcissaqtpie]

I am sorry to hear about your health problems, but stay strong! Your positive attitude, dealing with the stress by SEEKING SUPPORT and your overall resilience is inspiring for others (like me).

[Christine]

See Girl
Look at God!!!! Just reading how many of your blog friends love you and are praying and standing in the gap for you is making me feel wonderful and healed and ain't nothing wrong with me :-) You know I'm praying for you and your family. Here is a cyber hug for you!!!

[Lynn]

Thanks for the update. Sorry to hear about the recurring cancer, but thankfully they caught it in it's early stages and it can be treated early on! Things will work out fine; keep your chin up and maintain your positive attitude! You'll be in my prayers!

[Mimi]

Wow. You are absolutely in my prayers.

[deborah]

I pray you will heal and recover fully. The world needs you here. God bless.

[Toni]

It is normal to be afraid. I would be worried about you if you weren't scared. Sometimes great miracles come out of fear. And with all these people praying for you and wishing you well, all you have to do is just relax and take care of yourself.

[Tena]

Adrienne,sorry to hear of your health problems, but will keep you in my prayers for a speedy recovery. Best wishes to you & your family and I think it's okay to be scared and know that you will be fine at the same time, just know God will take care of you!!

[Neecha]

God is with you always and you are already healed! Continuously praying for you...

Be Blessed

[Rolana]

Girl, I'm praying for you. God will heal you. My Aunt went through radiation twice for her breast cancer. She had some fatigue and some skin issues afterwards, but it didn't slow her down in the least. God is the best healer!

[Larjmarj]

Well S**T!

Sending positive thoughts your way.

[elsie]

believe it or not i think you are my hero. with all that is going on you manage to stay positive and do so much. i have been going through some scary stuff and i can barely function much less blog or craft. now if you can do all this with your illness, 3 kids and all the wonderful things you do, i guess i can do something. you are a good person and i know you will be ok. the world needs good people like you. be good to yourself and know that there are a whole lot of people praying for you.

[robyn weatherspoon]

I'm praying for you daily and sending you big ol squishy hugs!

[Dawn Bibbs]

Hi Adrienne. Let me first say, that I am SOOO sorry to hear the news that the cancer is still there. However, I an BEYOND impressed, excited and encouraged by your faith and courage. It's a blessing that there are alternatives to the surgery. It appears that you've got an amazing support system. So I'm sure you'll conquer this thing in no time. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Love ya!

[Monica]

Here's some more (((hugs))) and you will definitely be in my prayers. Stay strong. I know that your family is there for you, but so are we. ;)

[Robyn]

Sorry to hear that your cancer has not gone away. My thoughts are with you.

[Jenifer]

You are in my thoughts and prayers

[Jeannie]

You are in my prayers. You don't know me but I follow your blog regularly and I love it. Hugs sent to you and your family

[Sheila]

All my prayers are with you and confident that this too shall pass (((HUGS))).

[Pat]

You are in my prayers. I've only comment once before but I check your blog everyday. HUGS from NJ.

[Claire (Little Miss Sew N Sew)]

I am so sorry to hear the news. You are a strong woman and I applaud you for being real and laying it all out in the open for all the other women who, while we may not have your exact situation, can totally relate to the fear you are experiencing. I've seen miracles happen before by the power of prayer and with the 90 plus people who have already commented here, you sure have a huge prayer group going for you! You will survive. I will join the prayer group and will be holding positive thoughts. You are a wonderful person! Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Claire

[Tracey]

Adrienne, what you said makes perfect sense. It is natural to be afraid of some things - that's why the Lord was constantly saying "fear not" and "be not afaid" in the scriptures. He knows we live in human bodies and have human emotions. But at the same time, you are confident that the Lord will deliver. The Holy Spirit speaks to our spirit which supercedes our human nature. Take comfort in knowing that we are all praying with you now, and will also rejoice with you later. Just think of the people you will be able to encourgage on the other side of this thing. God will use you mightily. Be blessed.

[Faye Lewis]

Praying for your healing in the Name and by the Blood of Jesus.

[Michelle]

OHH Adrienne you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers! Take care of yourself!

[Carolyn]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! Keep your head up!

[Sarah B]

Your bravery both in facing this scary thing and in sharing it with all of us, is inspiring. Like so many others, I will be thinking healing thoughts for you. I'm so glad you have your family and friends to see you through all this.

[KimT]

hey adrienne, I have not been reading or posting for about 2 months. I am so glad that I read your blog today. Now I know that I need to pray for you and your family. Keep your head up, as long as you can, cry when you need to cry and express whatever you need to express. You will definately be in my prayers.

[Sylvie]

I am sending prayers your way even now! You can make it through it girl!
I am sending Hugs, LOve and Positive Vibes from Philly!

[mae hardin]

Adrienne, I am a R.N and worked for Hospice for almost 7 years. It sounds as if you have caught this is the very early stages and are getting excellent care. I know you must be scared at times and, that is a normal reaction. Talk to people, talk, talk, and then talk some more. Talk to the people who make you feel better, not the ones who feel a need to scare you unecessarily. And, STOP putting your things away!!! You will feel good enough to go right on to finish all that you have started. Just take care of this sitiuation for once and for all!

Email me if there is anything I can help you with.

btw,I'm pretty sure my DH got the R1800 for me for a Christmas present--at YOUR recommendation.

Mae